Thomas Alexander Elliot

Getting into a good school

2012-02-07T07:35:00.006-06:00

Its 20 minutes after 8 on a Monday night. I’m sitting in a parking lot of a church. A church that has a good preschool (not college, pre school) that we would like to get Thomas into. We toured it last week and it seemed like a good fit. Small class rooms, progressive curriculum, friendly staff, close to the house. We want what’s best for Thomas and the director’s warning that registration is a little out of hand didn’t completely deter us. “Last year we had a gentleman show up at 5pm the day before registration and he didn’t even get the class he wanted for his child.” We debated about getting up at 4am or even coming out in the middle of the night. Registration is at 7am, its supposed to get down to 40 degrees, but we want to give Thomas the best opportunity we can. We want to be good parents. Just for fun, I drove past here on the way home from work at 4:45. My stomach dropped when I saw a tent city already set up and at least 20 people milling about. All of the sudden, I’m not a good parent. So I trucked on home and Rebecca and I talked through our options and I made the decision to go out as soon as I could. So a quick dinner, bath and some reading for Thomas, I packed up a chair, blanket, ipad, a space heater and battery, thinking I’m prepared and thinking ahead. I arrived at around 7:45, pulled into a space reserved for restricted walkers (I feel bad, but I think I’ll be gone before its really needed. As I walked up, the preparedness of the other parents and vastness of the situation really hit me. Big propane heaters, tents, cots, coolers, tables, a fair dose of alcohol, music. It was quite a scene. I approached what I thought might be the end of a line of sorts and asked someone if I indeed had found the end. He stated, that there wasn’t really a line, but there was a sign up sheet at the front that they were hoping all would adhere to. So I moved up front found the list and found that I am number 43 on a list. The camp and cliques also had been established and I felt on the outside looking in on a private party. Everyone seems to know each other and my near crippling shyness immediately sets in. When I was a kid, my sister would make friends for me, but she’s not here and I’m comfortably off by myself. My being alone doesn’t bother me and it doesn’t seem to bother any of them, so we’re all good. I suppose if we’re lucky enough to get Thomas in here, these will be people that I will have to meet and talk to, but I’ll rely on Rebecca to establish those relationships. That’s why I married her.

So this is all insanely crazy and intolerably out of perspective and I hate that I’m a part of it. Its only preschool for goodness sake. I could probably drive off and come back later and no one would be the wiser, but my sense of fair play and my fear that if I leave I’ll lose my spot are keeping me here. I’m not even sitting in my car, so I can keep better tabs on what’s going on. I do see people making food runs and other nefarious activities. There’s also a guy playing dj with his Mercedes audio system. Its loud and bassey and he’s played a fair amount of music that probably doesn’t get a lot of airplay in a church parking lot.

Speaking of observations, I saw a gentleman walk up in slacks and a button down and immediately questioned his approach to this, both timing and attire wise. I saw him wander about not completely dissimilar to my approach. The good news is that he stopped by my little spot in leper-land and asked where I was on the list and thought that I had a decent shot, depending on how many parents before me have triplets. Turns out he is a member of the church and was getting a headcount for coffee and donuts in the morning (fellowship does exist). He stated that there are probably 55 to 60 spots, so no guarantee, but it was the most positive I’ve felt all evening. Its all very stressful. I don’t mind camping out at all, but I want it to work out. We’ll see. If anything else is worth talking bout, I’ll add to this. In the meantime, I’ll be watching soccer on my slingbox and trying to get my legs a little warmer than they currently are. Perhaps a few laps around the parking lot.

9:45 observations:
Observation #1: There’s not 42 other people here in my opinion. I’m suspicious that some folks have signed up and left. We’ll see how tomorrow morning plays out.
Observation #2: The main tent group, who also harbors the would-be dj, is playing poker and
enjoying adult beverages. It would probably be bad form to reenact Jesus’ turning over the gambling tables, but the thought and irony do seem appropriate here.
Observation #3: I’m going to be useless for the next couple days, I’m pretty sure of it.
Observation #4: There are at least 1 or 2 kids here. This may be because the parent doesn’t have another option, or they’re using them as a pawn to garner sympathy and favor. I guess I’ll call Rebecca to wake up Thomas and drag him out here.
Observation #5: Phone says its 49 degrees.

7:18am
Its all over. I sought refuge in the station wagon around 10:30. Nodded off occasionally, but not what you would call restful slumber. The parking lot security lights were not much help. At 4am it rained for about 10 minutes. At 5:30 the alarm went off. I extricated myself from the car and started milling about with the rest of the hopefuls. People started breaking down their campsites. The resurrection of the Occupy Wall Street movement lasted just one night, but we will fight on. The coffee and donuts showed up (no cake donuts, so what's the point really) around 6 and at 6:30 an ambitious mom took the list and got everyone cued up in their proper order. I felt perversely justified because there were 17 people behind me in line. The rumor flying through the line that there two sets of triplets did not appear to be good news. There were a few people who showed up fresh faced and well rested. Perhaps they will end up being smarter than the rest of us if they still get in. At 6:50, the door opened, and just like that it was over. In less than 5 minutes, I’d gotten to the front, dropped my application in the box and in my car. SEVERELY anti-climactic. Not so much as a ticket or any memento to justify this little play. So I stopped and got donuts for Thomas and Rebecca.

The End

Fears at 5:30 in the morning

2012-01-25T17:41:00.003-06:00

I was awoken this morning by thunderstorms at the very early and rarely seen hour of 5:30 am. I know what you're thinking, there's a 5:30? I pride myself on rarley seeing anything on the southside of 7 and well up with significant pride that Thomas follows strong in my footsteps. Of all of my own dad's wonderful traits, rising early to get a good start on the day somehow was blocked in my DNA. Perhaps in future years and generations, scientists will conduct studies and come up with cures based on this significant break in heredity that I have experienced. Until then, don't schedule any early morning meetings with me.

Anywho, I couldn't get back to sleep and laying in the dark, my mind wandered to a subject that sometimes creeps into my head and I try to push out, because there are some things that may never happen, things that if did happen you can't control or both. Its one of those moments when you start thinking or overthinking scenarios and taking them to their worst cases. Maybe that's why I like to watch cartoons, it keeps out the voices. Enough set up and context I guess.

What I was thinking about was how happy and innocent Thomas is. I mean, he's exceedingly happy. Happy to play, happy to read, happy to explore, happy to be alive. He 's just uncontrollably enthusiastic. You can especially see it when he gets around other kids. We're in the middle of one of those big milestone moments in our lives and his. We're trying to figure out and find a mothers day out/preschool for Thomas, probably in the Fall. He's developing great, but still behind in some areas. So we have to find the right fit for him. He's basically spent his whole life in our presence and the idea of leaving him somewhere else, left to well meaning but potentially less dilligent people is daunting and obviously a concept that Rebecca doesn't relish. I've for the most part been ok with it, because I know Thomas needs to grow and become independent and some day be embarrassed to be within 5 feet of us. Such is life. It's not as severe as shoving a bird out of a nest to make it fly, but it's what has to happen.

The thought that I usually try not to imagine, but can and did get stuck in my head this morning was that first moment when someone takes his innocence away, when he isn't able to immediately bounce back and see the world through his optimistic eyes. My biggest concern is that inevitable moment when some other kid takes away his enthusiasm, is mean to him in some way. I hope that moment is minor, that he will have the inner strength to persevere and rise above. I hope I'm there to protect him, but I hope I'm not there to react or overreact. I don't want him to be picked on, or bullied, or made fun of, or ignored, or his friendship not reciprocated, ever. I don't think that's too much to ask, do you? Thomas is really such an amazing and awesome person and part of my life.

Well, anyway that kept me up for a while. To top that off, a morning sports show I listen to had a very tough segment that tied into my already awkward thoughts and mood. It's not a happy story, but there is a good message in it that reinforces the importance of the big picture, something that I always try to keep in mind, to somewhat limited success. I encourage you to click on the link and listen to the story, but it is a difficult story.

http://gordonkeith.files.wordpress.com/2012/01/2012-01-25-george-star.mp3

I apologize for kind of being heavy after such a long absence. But the thunderstorm and story got me thinking and I thought it best to write it all down. I hope all is well with whoever is out there. We're doing great.

Some Assembly Required - Epic Failure

2010-12-25T15:32:00.009-06:00

Christmas Eve snuck up on me, only in that after a long evening of church, dinner and socializing, having settled into the idea of closing my eyes soon so that Santa could work his magic, I was presented with my first late evening parental experience with a cardboard box full of pieces of plastic and metal that in 34 simple steps, the use of a hammer, a screwdriver, a drill and a file (this one was not listed as a needed tool, but ended up being critical) would turn into something Thomas would treasure for at least as long as it ended up taking me, my father-in-law and my brother-in-law (also not listed in the needed tools section) to assemble.

The torture device in question is a Cozy Coupe, a nice little 4 wheel push car, no motor or any moving parts, save for the wheels. And not just any cozy coupe, but the 30th anniversary edition, which means they've had 30 years to get assembly down to a science. To keep things simple, there are no words in the instructions, its all pictures, letters and arrows. Issues #1 was the precise fit (or lack there of) of the pieces. A simple axle through a wheel proved to be a mix between an optical illusion and a defiance of the laws of physics. Some quick file adjustments got us over that hump. Issue #2 was all me. To secure the wheels to the axles requires the use of a metal cap and a hammer. Initially, not wanting to brave the sub freezing temperature in my Homer Simpson pajamas, I attempted to apply the cap to the axle delicately in the living room. This approved both inadequate to attach the cap and excessively loud enough to wake Thomas. So I was forced to brave the cold each time I needed to hammer (6 trips in all). As I was distracted, frustrated and flustered by 5 other people watching my exploits, I managed to apply a cap to an axle without sticking the plastic hubcap on first. An irreversible oversight that has left a blemish on the Cozy Coupe. Basically it looks like Thomas is riding around with a spare tire. Theoretically we can dremmel that cap off. Part of me wants his car to be perfect, part of me wants the reminder of my first attempt.

So Christmas morning went very well. As my dad is recovering from his surgery, they were stuck in Cincinnati rather than making the trek to my sister's in Virginia. Although judging by the weather, that may ultimately have been a blessing. To help my parents get a little Christmas excitement, we brought a laptop into the gift room and used Skype to let my parents watch Thomas enter the room and open his presents. I'm happy to say that he went right to the Coups and really enjoyed it. And he was not overwhelmed by the toy store that lay before him. He took the time to check out each present and enjoyed himself all day. He seems to be impervious to being spoiled so far, but now I have to figure out how to build another room onto the house for all of his stuff. Pledges have been made all around that next year there will be restraint, but that's a long way off and by then, he'll start knowing what he wants. And his birthday is a week away...

Twas the Week Before Christmas...

2010-12-20T15:23:00.004-06:00

It really twas...Christmas day is 6 days away and we have a spoilage alert! Thomas is about to get bombarded with gifts from grandparents that will be beyond his comprehension or ability to fully enjoy before he outgrows them. I have been as stern and disapproving as I can be. Lots of harrumphs and eye rolls but nothing seems to work. I'm afraid that my beautiful wife is also complicit in this act of treachery. Alas, I've seen the home videos of her childhood and its written that we are doomed to repeat what we have experienced. So I will stand back and watch as Thomas spends as much time playing with ribbon and wrapping paper as what was inside them.

I will provide an update of the festivities later this week. In the meantime, I wanted to touch on a couple of things that are less humorous, but have been on my mind. The first concerns Thomas' grandfather, my dad. Let me just spoil the ending and let the reader know that this has a very happy ending, but over Thanksgiving we learned that my dad had prostate cancer. It was very sobering and scary for all of us. Fortunately prostate cancer is the kind of cancer that you want to get, if there is such a thing. My dad and his doctor were on top of things and caught it early. They went in last week and removed the cancer cells and everything looks really good.

The month that I was aware of the challenge my dad faced and the possibility that things could have turned out much worse were obviously scary. Not only for me as his son, but it brought to mind how important and impactful both of my grandfathers were on me and the possibility of Thomas missing out on spending time and learning from my dad was not a prospect I wanted to deal with. Thomas already has a natural connection with both of his grandfathers. Goes right to them and truly knows them to be something more than the large number of people that fawn over him (he is not want for attention). I am thankful that things turned out ok, because Thomas has to learn the tradition of making waffles from scratch on a random Sunday morning from my dad. Not only because its a memory I treasure, but also because my dad does the recipe from memory and by the time I get up these days, the waffles are already done. So someone needs to get that recipe for me. Best waffles in the world.

The other thing that has me bothered/thinking these days is my little brother in the big brother/little brother program. He just turned 16 and he has reached a point in his life that is truly a crossroads. He's making some really bad choices that will have far reaching consequences. For the first time in our relationship, I am finding myself acting like a parent more than a friend. Unfortunately, I can see in his eyes some of the same "you don't understand or I don't want to talk about this" look that I know I would have had at that age. He's still just a kid and I know he just wants to ignore bad things in the hopes they'll just go away or resolve themselves. The choices he has made, I've warned him against and tried to show him the opportunities and alternatives that are there for him if he wants them. There's really not much more I think I could have done, but I can't help but feel I'm failing a bit. Thomas could easily be him, sitting across from me, not wanting to look me in the eye. In just 2 years, I've seen my little brother change dramatically. In some ways, he's exactly the same, but in others obviously not. He's grown alot. Thomas, too, has grown so much. I worry about the choices that Thomas will one day be faced with and if I can properly prepare him to minimize the mistakes that he will inevitably make. Why do people sign up for this stuff?

Short Stories of laziness

2010-12-09T23:29:00.003-06:00

So, I was supposed to post a video of Thomas climbing the stairs last week and I was supposed to post a new blog entry this week. Well, I didn't get around to last week and here it is this week and Thomas didn't do diddley for me to write about (actually he was awesome, is growing and took a bunch of steps, but go with me here, I'm laying out an excuse), so I'm forced to cover for him by posting, not one, not two, but three big time videos. I will have a very stern conversation with Thomas about his responsibility in regards to this blog. I'm pretty sure that will tide everyone over for a little while. I'll be back soon. Thomas says hey.

Thomas climbing stairs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8GdsEtvow98

Thomas playing with Tyler
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KxK29m1yaSE

Thomas walking with balloon
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MfvkOOd8E_w

An Obsession and a Movie Review

2010-11-26T20:20:00.004-06:00

Couple days behind this week. I'm blaming the travel days and the tryptophan. We are up in Virginia with my extended family and Thomas' cousins. Mom and son are both a little under the weather. We think this is Thomas' first real cold and he's actually fairing a little better than mom. His nose is running and he's sneezing and coughing, but he's still non-stop. Part of his non-stoppedness (made up word that I just copyrighted, so please send me royalties every time you use it) is his new found obsession and the first real grey hair inducer that he has presented his parents; stairs.

Thomas absolutely loves going up stairs, whether it is one step to get in out of the living room at MeAnn and Pop's or a full set of stairs (which are also at MeAnn's and here at the beach). We've got them blocked off with a gate, but he goes for them every chance he gets and it is just the most awesome thing to him. Maniacal laughter and, at times, reckless speed up the stairs. He's also working on down, but that is too much for me, so I end up hovering about 5 inches from him. We've got a video of him climbing that I will post here.

And the movie review. We drove to Shreveport last week and for the first time, used a DVD to pacify/entertain (Pacytain, copyrighted!) Thomas. The movie chosen, and basically Thomas' first movie to watch ever was the Muppet Movie. Thomas asked me to submit this review on his behalf. I am but a ghost writer, so the opinions and views of Thomas do not necessarily represent those of the site.

"Hi everyone and welcome to Thomas' Back Seat Movie Review. Today I'm reviewing the film 'The Muppet Movie'. A harrowing tale of good and evil. From my research, I've learned that this movie was released over 30 years ago, or 15 Thomas' ago (Get it? Because I'm almost 2 and so 15 of me would be 30! Huh? Huh? Never mind, its my first joke, they're bound to get better once I learn some more words). 30 years, wow! Can you imagine how big iPads must have been back then? I was really looking forward to this movie, because I'm huge follower of Elmo and my understanding is that some of the characters in this movie are Elmo's kin. So, did I laugh? Well yeah, I laughed my head off, but to be honest, I laughed my head off at the Geico commercial with the little piggie, and some times when my mom says 'in a moment', so the bar isn't that high.

Overall, I found the muppets to be colorful and they moved on the screen alot. I really like that. Give me random movements and lots of action and I'm pretty much in. The plot was charming, but I found the number of cameos to be excessive and honestly I didn't really recognize most of them. Eventually I got distracted by the lights of the passing cars, so I don't really know how it ended, but I'm pretty sure since it was a movie about the muppets wanting to make a movie, things must have turned out ok. I give it 3 out of a possible 4 pacifiers. Until next time, here's burping at you."

So there you go, Thomas is a tough but honest critic. Since we're talking movies, Thomas was kind enough to pose for two shots, the first as Harry Potter and the second as Harry Potty. Get it? Huh? Is this thing on?

One Small Step

2010-11-17T10:55:00.003-06:00

Week 2 of the new and improved blog. Feeling fine. So I spent a fair amount of this last week considering what I could/should write about. I've got a goodly amount of ideas, but I wonder what is noteworthy and interesting vs. pedestrian and common among all parents. Alot of life now is about making those personal sacrifices that I frankly have a hard time making. As Thomas becomes more mobile and curious and independent, he becomes more time consuming and challenging and exposed to dangers. Whereas before when Thomas would just sit there and we were worried that he was breathing and growing and all that good stuff. Now, he is moving and exploring and into everything he can, so if he's awake, we have to be vigilant and basically on guard duty.

A leash seems alot more plausible and acceptable than it would have before (he is dressed like a dog above, so why not). I guess we won't resort to that, but I'm not entirely ruling it out. So there feels like very little downtime exists for either of us and I know I'm getting more sleep than when there were feedings in the middle of the night, but I still feel really tired. I think Rebecca does too, but you know, its my blog, so we're going to focus on how tough it is on the dad.

So, anyway, the focus of today's blog is this exclusive, never before seen footage of Thomas walking! He's been toying with the idea for several weeks now, but I think we're really getting close and here is the proof. Please enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bL0pB_DW6c4

A New Year's resolution

2010-11-08T20:07:00.004-06:00

They are an utter waste of time...unless you start one in the middle of November instead of January 1st. I've missed writing this blog, but much like my homework that I used to ignore, once you let it start slipping, the pile just becomes so unwieldy, its easier to hide from it than to try and tackle. So I've made a promise to myself to try to get back into the groove on this. I'm not going to tell anybody though, so maybe you'll find it and maybe you won't. Of course, if you haven't found it, then you didn't read that last sentence, so I'm only talking to the ones that did find it. Shame on the rest of you for not continually checking the blog while I ignored it. See, now its your fault and I feel better about myself.

Oh yeah, we're here about Thomas. Thomas is less than 2 months from his second birthday. So what has he been up to? Well he's about 19 pounds and about 30 inches long. He presents a challenge for mom and the clothing industry, because he is long and thin, which I guess is un-baby like, but it is dad like, so I'm cool with it.

Achievements. Let's list them:

He's really, really good at repeating words. This video, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZiP0nbeFYc is just the beginning. Please ignore the fact that we keep our child in a cage outside with a dangerous animal. Its just easier to keep our house clean this way. I will post another to show his vocabulary. He's also good at pointing at things you ask him to point out. he knows how to brush mommy's hair and pretend to feed Elmo the way he gets fed.
He's standing. He can pop up and for the most part just hang out without any assistance.
He can bench press 10 pounds. It doesn't sound like much, but we're really concentrating on form right now.
He's not walking yet, but he can if you hold one hand. He crawls, really, really fast and wants to be able to walk that fast. So when he can't, he abandons the walk for four legs. He also bear crawls and he's started moving on his knees without his hands, kinda scooting.
He can open drawers and cabinets and has his eyes on door knobs. Which is really awesome for us.
He ate part of a crayon today. This is actually quite huge. Because of all of the tubes and such that he had to have down his throat, Thomas has an aversion to textures and still can't handle solid food without gagging. The crayon was the biggest and most solid thing he's eaten. It was yellow.
He knows right from wrong. He doesn't really care, but he does know. There are certain things that Thomas likes to grab or places he likes to go. If we catch him and say no. He crawls away as fast as he can and laughs his head off. Its quite maniacal.
He just continues to laugh and be happy as can be. The only times he ever cries is if he gets stuck with a needle, he doesn't want to go to bed, or he misses his mommy. Thomas has really become attached to mommy and he misses her, if she's not around.

So that's a quick synopsis of where we are. I will add more, hopefully once a week is the plan. Keep your fingers crossed.

Thomas showing off his skills

2010-06-01T20:04:00.001-05:00

www.youtube.com/watch?v=wD0cw8nBVhA

New Pics

2010-03-11T15:39:00.002-06:00

I noticed the other day that all of the pictures to the left are from the first 6 months of Thomas' life. So I thought it best to add another slide show. We're a semi-camera happy family, so I started to load up pics backwards from the hospital story backwards. 900+ photos later, I was able to get back to October 30th. That's 4 months if you're wondering. Some day we'll look back and wish we'd done a better job of documenting Thomas' formative years and he'll look back completely stunned at all the things we put him through for the sake of a photo.

A Good problem

2010-03-07T20:44:00.003-06:00

Its Sunday night, Thomas, Rebecca and I are all home. I had to scoot out of town Friday and got back this afternoon. In the meantime, Thomas got his release papers Friday afternoon. I had hoped it would work out and I got the word on my way to the airport. Friday morning, Thomas was really starting to come around. He stopped completely rejecting the idea of a bottle and took 30 ccs for me. Rebecca and her mom took over as I ran home to pack and mercifully, they let Thomas go home.

A curious thing happened sometime in the last couple weeks, between the 2 surgeries and the recoveries, Thomas became a mama's boy. Its not something I've talked about much here, because its been a very raw subject for Rebecca. A shortened pregnancy, 6 months in the NICU and the need for both of us to work has been very tough on Rebecca. Despite an amazing ability to put forward a strong front for the public. she's always expressed a disconnect with Thomas, afraid that he didn't see her any different than the nurses or the nanny. I always argued against this, because I could see Thomas respond in very unique ways to Rebecca. But despite my best efforts, Rebecca would blow off my observations, believing that I was only trying to make her feel better (I did want her to feel better, but I told the truth). It was very difficult to witness and just that much more difficult for her to go through. Its been a weekly, sometimes daily discussion and more often than not led to tears.

I don't know if others who have had to watch their child raised in a NICU feel a similar disconnect. Rebecca always said that she lost a bond with Thomas because he was taken from her early. I can logically argue all I want as to how bonds are constantly forming and evolving, but this is an emotional thing that isn't easily resolved by reason.

Its a weird thing, because as a father, traditionally speaking, we're not afforded a defined nurturing role. As much as you may want the whole thing to be a partnership, in the end, its not quite equal. You're not the mother and you can't present any sort of argument to the contrary. I've found it to be frustrating and difficult to relate to Rebecca. Probably, because as a father, I have no choice, the bond I create with Thomas is defined in the actions I take and my ability/willingness to be involved with his life. So it has always been difficult for me to relate to something that she's not sure she has, when I'm not afforded it in the first place. I don't know if that makes any sense or just came off like a psychology text book, but it felt good to write it, so there.

I have always known, never doubted, that Thomas knows Rebecca and me above all others and that he loves us, as much as an infant can love. I believe Rebecca knew it as well, but nothing about what we've gone through is normal and so there is always that constant pang, what did we miss? How is this different than what it would have been under normal circumstances? Thomas has decided to change the paradigm a little bit. He has become extremely clingy to Rebecca. Especially this weekend, he's now most content in her arms and reaches for her when he sees her, even if MeAnn is already holding him. Rebecca is taking great joy in it (we'll see in a week how much fun carrying Thomas is at all times). Its really cool to see.

I don't think there is any such thing as normal when it comes to pregnancy, child birth or child rearing (hence all the grossly inaccurate and/or generic books that are available for your enjoyment), but at least for the moment, I'm very happy that Rebecca feels like a "normal" mom.

Thomas' foot

2010-03-05T09:46:00.003-06:00

Here's a quick little video of Thomas discovering his foot.

Friday Feeding update

2010-03-05T08:51:00.002-06:00

Thomas took 30 ml of formula this morning! That's not very much, but its the first time he's shown any interest in the bottle, so I'm pleased. They also just took the IV off, so hopefully Thomas will get thirsty and we can get out of here.

Thursday night

2010-03-04T22:41:00.004-06:00

I'm in Thomas' room laying on my favorite couch, which has been my home for the last two nights, and feels oh so inviting for this evening as well. Thomas is asleep, which hopefully will continue through the evening, minus the nurse visits to prod and poke. Last night he did fairly well, the night before not so much. I'm pretty tired, which has made it difficult to generate the energy to give an update. As such, I'm not going to format this entry and place the pictures judiciously within context.

Basically, all we are waiting on now is for Thomas to drink some formula, something he is absolutely not interested in. he's moving around good, sitting up, kicking, eating baby food. Just no liquids. He's on an IV, so that may be working against him. Never the less, he can't go until he does. Its fairly frustrating for all of us. As much as I love seeing Rebecca for an hour or so a day and sleeping on a piece of furniture that can be wiped down, we're ready to go home. Thomas is ready to go home, but he's stubborn as well and he knows what he wants and what he doesn't and there's no reasoning with him.

The last 2 days have steadily gotten better. Rebecca and her mom are doing the day shift, when Thomas is awake. Since he's bed-ridden, its up to them to keep him entertained, which is very draining. He's actually becoming somewhat demanding. He'll drop tears on you in a second if he doesn't have exactly what he wants in his hand. Hopefully this is temporary and he'll go back to his sedate self when we get back home.

I drew the night shift. The first night was very rough. Thomas was still in pain and despite being very tired, couldn't sleep. The slightest noise would make him stir and then subsequently cry. there was an hour stretch where he would dose off, get a body spasm, jerk back awake and cry, over and over. Finally, we decided to give him some drugs and he settled down. Last night was much better, he pretty much slept constantly between nurses visits, as did I. Its very disconcerting waking up and there's a nurse already in the room checking vitals.

Neither shift is good, and its been a little tough passing each other at night and in the morning. Fortunately, Rebecca and I went out to dinner while her mom stayed with Thomas last night and tonight. Two nights in a row of just the 2 of us eating at the same time in the same room is very rare. I could get used to it though.

Its late, so I'm going to grab some sleep while I can.

Video Update from Thomas

2010-03-02T22:20:00.002-06:00

Well its 10:30 at night and Thomas woke up and wanted to address his public. The quality isn't great, but if you watch all the way through, he has some important words.

9 p.m. update

2010-03-02T21:36:00.004-06:00

I'm sitting in Thomas' room listening to him talk and complain and occasionally cry a little. He's a little grouchy and not crazy about having a board taped to each hand. They ran an IV in each just in case and so in addition to having to lay flat on his back, he doesn't have full use of his hands. So yes, he's got lots to say.

All signs are good so far. We expect to be in the hospital for a few days, but he may be sitting up as soon as tomorrow. The doctor said that babies are much more resilient than adults and that what will take Thomas a couple days to bounce back from would take an adult weeks. Not to mention that, unlike adults, when a baby feels pain, they stop doing whatever movement causes that pain.

Rebecca's mom came in to town, which is of great benefit. We're working a bit of a rotation so that we can get out a bit and get things done. Thomas' primary nurse and guardian angel from the NICU, Tina came by this evening to make sure Thomas is on the right track and being properly looked after.

Thomas has fallen asleep, so I think that's my cue to sign off. I'm a little tired myself, so I might try to rest before the next nurse intervention. Every 3 hours all night. Woo hoo...

11am Update - The Consultation Room

2010-03-02T11:02:00.002-06:00

Exactly an hour later and the nurse walks up and I was expecting her to hand me the phone again, but she said that it was time to go the consultation room to meet with the doctor. So we quickly gathered up all of our electronics and various bags, as we are loathe to travel lightly anywhere. We rushed into the consultation room and waited for the Doctor. He said everything went well. One large incision, 2 small pieces of bone (one at the base of the spine and one where the cyst is). The doctor found the cyst to be odd, but not threatening upon examination. He couldn't remove it because it was too close to the spine and has sent a sample to be tested in the lab. So hopefully that will be ok. He said when he cut the fat at the base, the spine sprang up a little, which was a good indication to him.

We're back in the waiting room, waiting (ironic). We were fortunate to get our original seat back (the music is still playing from the video game. There's no way to turn it off). Thomas is getting moved to recovery and then later today he'll be admitted to the hospital.

more to come

10am update

2010-03-02T10:04:00.002-06:00

We're still in the waiting room. They give us an hourly update from the O.R., which I just got. A nurse actually calls us from inside. Basically all is well. They are still operating. Couple things that we weren't aware of before this morning. They have to remove some bone from the spine to get at it. In the future, it may need to be fused, but he didn't think so and that Thomas should be able to play sports. There is a possibility that the spine could become tethered again, so we'll have to watch out for that. I'll give you another update when there is something to say.

Things that I hate

2010-03-02T08:54:00.007-06:00

I hate that surgery has to be so early in the morning that I have to wake Thomas up.
I hate that he is so trusting and happy that he doesn't fight getting into his car seat and doesn't get anxious by the familiar smells and florescents of the hospital. (My dog Charlie freaks out about any building with a linoleum floor because it means the vet, a bath or boarding, maybe one day Thomas will too).
I hate the look of shock and confusion on Thomas' face when
I'm holding him and someone sticks him with a needle to draw blood.
I hate all of the possibilities that the doctor has to disclose that could go wrong right before he takes Thomas away.

I hate the waiting room.
I hate this waiting room with a broken tv.
I really hate the Nintendo Mario Kart game that keeps playing the same song over and over and over.
I hate these chairs.
I don't hate the food in the cafeteria, but I'm not calling
Zagat's.

I hate that we have to put our lives on hold again.

I hate that we're so used to this routine that sometimes the magnitude of the situation is lost on me.
I love you Thomas. I love you Rebecca.

Et Tu Brute?

2010-03-01T20:17:00.002-06:00

I still owe and plan to make good on the surgery clean up from a couple weeks ago. There is much to be said about that. But in less than 12 hours, Thomas goes under the knife again, and hopefully for the last time for the foreseeable future. This one makes us all a little nervous, especially Rebecca (she's a mom, so she says its ok).

I think I've mentioned that Thomas has a tethered spinal cord (if not, I just did and we'll move on). A tethered spinal cord is not as bad as it might seem I guess. Basically babies' spinal cords are not fully developed. At the end of the cord are a bunch of nerve endings floating free in a sack of fluid. That sack of fluid can sometimes adhere itself to something else down there. As it happens, this is fairly common with Preemies (I swear, we really should have gotten one of them regular babies). If nothing is done about it, as a baby grows, the spinal cord gets stretched and, needless to say, nothing good comes of it. So the thing to do is go in and untether it.

This procedure is obviously dealing with the spinal cord, so a neurosurgeon performs it. Now the good thing is, as far as procedures a neurosurgeon performs, this is a relatively minor procedure. There is a cyst on the cord that he wants to check out, but all in all, we should expect about 4 hours in the OR, where they will stab him in the back (hence the clever title). From there he/we will spend 2 to 3 days in the hospital recovering. Then he should be completely back to normal. I know Rebecca would appreciate any prayers and well wishes that you can throw Thomas' way tonight and tomorrow. I will update things tomorrow, and maybe get caught up on other blog items.

Mike

Of Vanity and other deadly sins

2010-02-23T21:34:00.005-06:00

So, some of you may have noticed that Thomas is wearing some sort of apparatus on his head, but have been too polite to mention it. Is he planning to play hockey? Does he fall alot? Is he hoping to be cast in the next Tron movie? (Yes, I know this one is for a very select segment, but it was a great movie. Look it up)

Well all are really poor guesses, so shame on all of you. I must admit, prior to being a parent and remotely caring about other people's children (I still really only care about Thomas, no offense to other children who may be reading this. By the way, good for you for reading!), I saw babies wearing helmets and had no idea what was going on. My best internal guess (because I never bothered to ask) was that the helmet was protecting a soft spot or something else that wasn't fully developed. Little did I know that I'd come face to face with the very helmet that I rarely gave a second thought to (probably not as ironic as I'm implying).

Turns out, the helmet is used to shape a child's head, to make it nice and round for that day in the future when Thomas decides to shave his hair either on a bet or in tribute to Michael Jordan. Thomas spent 5 and a half months, mostly on his back, which gave him a rather flat head in the back. The nurses did a great job of rotating him to minimize the effect, but you can only do so much. You basically have 2 options; Option 1, sit back and let nature take its course, hoping that the head will work itself out or that Thomas develops a talent in baseball or bull riding (where a hat is required), or option 2, shape the head with this contraption. This is completely cosmetic and he's not in any danger health-wise. We're just trying to bump Thomas up a notch more on the cuteness scale.

We debated about this greatly. We were concerned about whether this was a good investment, whether the helmet would hurt Thomas, whether we wanted to pile one more thing on Thomas' plate. There were many arguments in favor of not doing anything:
1. He could use his head as a coaster (what a great party trick!)
2. The flatness of his head would make him extremely aerodynamic in the tuck position when riding a bike.

Actually those were the only 2 real positives I could come up with, so we went with the helmet. We're such good parents.

Thomas wears the helmet 23 hours a day and he will probably wear it for 2 to 3 months. It just depends on how quickly he grows. The helmet is designed to encourage growth and we go in once a week or two and get adjustments. They measure the head and shave away the Styrofoam on the inside. He's already making good progress, so hopefully we won't have to wear it too long. It doesn't seem to bother him too much, but he does like to bang it with his hand.

Its Wednesday, so let' start cutting...

2010-02-10T10:16:00.002-06:00

Five a.m. It probably doesn’t have much significance, or isn’t a big deal to most people, but in the Elliot household, it’s not a time of day that we see much of. We’re more night owls and thoroughly uninterested in getting up before the sun does. Even Thomas has adjusted and is more than happy to ease into the morning at his own pace. There is very little that would alter that for us; Haley’s Comet seems appropriate or a World Cup soccer match. The other reason is surgery. They always seem to schedule surgery early in the day. Such is the case today. Thomas is currently in surgery for various procedures on his private areas. In the interest of discression and modesty, I won’t get too specific, but he is getting circumcised and having 2 other procedures in the same area. I really hate that I haven’t kept you all up to speed, because there is a bunch that needs to be revealed. Just seems that every time there is something to write, I’m left without time or energy or both.

Oh well, no use crying over spilled blogs. This is a day surgery, so we’re only supposed to be here for 6 or 7 hours. Plenty of time to whip this puppy out. Today we’re at Medical City Dallas, which brings us to hospital #4 on Thomas’ bucket list of hospitals that he just has to visit. We checked in at 6 and scooted upstairs to get vitals and slip into a sexy smock (Thomas got one too). Then down to pre-op, which was (Still is I guess) a large room with about 10 beds separated by curtains. Every bed had a child of varying age waiting to meet with their doctors and get rolled into surgery. I can’t imagine how much tougher it is to deal with your child’s surgery if your child knows that something is up. With Thomas, we have a wild child who is blissfully happy at all times and almost immediately bounces back from anything traumatic. The other kids had fear and trepidation that you could see in their eyes. The doctors and nurses are obviously well acquainted with this, so they do their best to become their friends and make them laugh. It was a lot like watching a standup comedian warm up an audience, but there were 10 stages, so I could hear all of the routines.

We ran into one of Thomas’ NICU surgeons, Dr. Hermann, who had been a favorite of ours. He had performed the hernia surgery and when we saw him today, he remembered the exact bed that Thomas was in when Thomas was his patient close to a year ago. Great parlor trick. Then it was time to wheel Thomas out and scoot us to the waiting room. Medical City has a cool feature. They have monitors all around, similar to at airports that give you an update of the progress of the patient, procedure under way, procedure closing, finished. The nurse gave us a sheet explaining the monitor and said that she would write down a code so we would know which one is Thomas and still protect his identity. The tricky code is: ELL__T, T. Very hush, hush and complicated. Reminded me of the Navajo who were used to transmit messages during World War 2, inpenetratable. Wait…no…they just hid the vowels. Now Rebecca and I are sitting in the cafeteria, passing time til Thomas goes to recovery.

After this, Thomas has one more surgery, the tethered spinal cord. I’ll update you after Thomas gets out.

Merry Christmas

2009-12-26T22:53:00.008-06:00

Its Saturday night, the day after Christmas and things have calmed enough to try and update this darned thing that calls to me and make fun of me when I can't get to it, much like...well, just about everything that has needed to get done over the past 6 months. I'm bailing just enough to keep the boat afloat, but that's really not a great approach, because I'm afraid that eventually I may get tired and not bail as fast as I need to. Such is the life of a parent. Which always makes me wonder how a single parent pulls this off, how a parent with twins possibly pulls this off, how anyone voluntarily goes through this. But I digress.

As usual, Thomas is still the cutest, most well adjusted, happiest baby ever. Despite anything life throws at him, he just rolls with the punches.

You'll have to forgive the pictures that I choose. There are many, many cute ones to choose from, but I really like the funny ones better.

Christmas was just one big love fest, as we spent it in Shreveport with Rebecca's family and relative after relative swooped in to gain Thomas' favor. Its really nice for us, because we can just sit back and monitor hand washings, but otherwise stay hands free for the most part. Which is a very good thing, because at almost 15 pounds, he's really getting heavy. Everything was really wonderful, Thomas got more toys than he will probably be able to play with before next Christmas, Mom and I got to relax a little and Aunt Leigh got her nephew fix before she headed back to South Carolina.

My only complaint was that somehow, of all of the potential places we could have been, Shreveport, Cincinnati, Washington DC or Dallas, we managed to pick the one place that didn't get a White Christmas. There was a chance, and I spent most of Christmas Eve watching weather maps and reading forecasts in the hope that the snow would reach us, but to no avail. I love snow, get very child-like about it (which I probably do about alot of stuff come to think about it), and get my hopes up any time I'm somewhere where the temperature dips and the clouds are still around. For some reason, I always manage to be in the wrong place when it occurs. I was in Belton last year when it snowed in Dallas and missed it again. Oh well. I'm not going to pout about it (anymore).

I took some videos of Thomas' first Christmas, you can find them here.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5vw1kaXkRTk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xgMxwQj4fqQ

Let's see, what can I catch you up on? Development-wise, Thomas is moving along. He's desperately trying to figure out a way to be mobile on his own, because we're not keeping up with him. Thomas is big on moving, especially if we try to just sit and try to take a break. That's when he starts jumping. Up and down, his legs are much stronger than his balance is ready for, so it becomes quite a workout for all parties involved. Thomas talks up a storm, although nothing truly profound or coherent yet. He's also able to show you that he's one, by extending his index finger. He also extends his thumb, so one could argue that he's brandishing a gun. But in these kinder, gentler times, we'll just say he's very excited about his upcoming birthday, which is in 7 days for those who may have forgotten.

Not to be disjointed, but I'm kind of going stream of thought here and I would be remiss not to step back and realize that it has been almost a year since Thomas demanded I start writing about him (he's quite pushy). This day last year, Rebecca was on bed rest in her parents house, although technically, she spent most of it on the couch in the living room. I'm not good on historically perspective, but I think its probably an understatement to say it doesn't feel like a year. There are aspects that seem like years ago, but at the same time, weeks disappear like days. Once again, thank you to all of you who helped us through this journey. There have been times when each of us were unsure whether we had the strength to go forward and there are many of you who have nudged us along. So thanks again and now back to Thomas and how awesome he is.

As I mentioned before, Thomas is so good natured. Rarely does he cry, and if he does, its probably for a good reason. The only occasions that he does are if he gets stuck in the car seat too long (which would be about a minute and a half for me), if he gets scared, which is tough to scare him (I keep trying, although the whole wolfman costume I keep using may end up scarring him), or if he has a nightmare, which is about the saddest thing I've ever seen. Simply holding him and calming him down is all it takes though. So, basically, if it wasn't for the whole prematurity thing and all that came along with it, we'd have the child that every other parent would envy and hate.

You may have noticed that Thomas has glasses in some pictures, but for the most part, he doesn't wear them. Simple explanation, they're reading glasses. Took us a few weeks to realize that he can't read and that he was mostly just looking at the pictures. Actually, Thomas is wearing contacts now. I know...isn't that just the nuttiest thing you've ever heard? We did alot of research on this. Some doctors are more in favor it than others. Basically the pro is, unlike glasses, with the contacts, you can quickly adjust the strength of the lenses to accurately reflect what a baby Thomas' age should be seeing, which is really about 5 feet away. The glasses just fully correct his vision based on Thomas' near sightedness. The theory is that the eyes can strengthen a little better with the contacts and stave off the near sightedness longer. Of course there is a challenge that arises and is probably obvious to everyone, what color lenses do you get to accentuate his boyish good looks?

There's also a secondary issue, how to get a baby to lay still and allow his eye lids to be pried open and a large finger apply a foreign object onto his eyeball. Surprisingly, its fairly difficult. It takes 2 people, alot of patience, some delicate leverage and...well its just really hard. He also doesn't know that he's not supposed to rub his eyes once they are in.

There's much more to write, but I'm saving it for other posts. So if you're still out there, check back.

Thanksgiving one year later.

2009-11-26T21:12:00.003-06:00

A year ago today we found out that Thomas was a boy. It's been a year that neither one of us could have imagined. We have everything to be thankful for. So to each of you that has prayed for Thomas and followed us and kept up, thank you. There is much to catch everyone up on, but today I will just say everyone is doing well and we are blessed and happy.

Love Mike, Rebecca and Thomas

Another Day Another Surgery

2009-09-22T23:35:00.003-05:00

As always, there is much to catch everyone up on. I will leave the title hanging for a moment as it fits within the context of the storyline later on. First I will give you a week's retrospective on Rebecca's triumphant return to the real world. Hence the picture to the left.

Rebecca has been fortunate enough to spend the summer with Thomas. It has been very important for her and for Thomas, as Rebecca has really struggled with the pregnancy ending early and being separated from Thomas while he was in the NICU. She worries alot about her connection with Thomas, but I see it every time she holds him, how he knows who he's with. There's a wonderful calmness that comes over him when she's walking him around on her shoulder and he's looking back chewing on her shirt. Its a tough thing as I'm not in a position to really understand. Rebecca feels like she missed something, and although we've been given an amazing gift, and even what I like to call bonus time with Thomas, its not the same and can be a little overwhelming. Rebecca often finds herself reliving the NICU and the surgeries and all of the doctor visits, therapy sessions. Its alot to deal with. I don't know if its a gift or not, but I just accept what it all is and where we are and try to move on. Look forward, not back and all that stuff. For me, I can easily get overwhelmed by the present and future, so maybe I have selectively blocked out the past. It already feels like ages ago. Its all really a blur.

We both knew that Rebecca would have to go back to work, unfortunately Thomas being on Rebecca's insurance. The original plan and thought was that Rebecca would want to go back to work under normal circumstances. She didn't originally picture herself as a stay-at-home mom. Now that it isn't quite the same situation, it has left her torn to say the least. She was supposed to start 2 weeks ago, but due to the original false starts on the nanny front that I will get into in a future post, she pushed back to last week, so that we could find the right nanny, which I am glad to say we have. Because of Thomas' immune system, day care is not an option. We had this grand plan to have Rebecca spend a few weeks with the nanny, break her in and get a comfort level all the way around. With the compressed schedule, Rebecca got 1 day and then I planned to stay in town and play Mr. Mom while the nanny got adjusted.

My part was easy. As Rebecca's apprentice, I knew the gist of the routine, although I am a poor substitute for the master and my mistakes are easily identified in our nightly reviews of my performance. Additionally, my job has taken me away every week, so I was always used to being away from Thomas. Not so much for Rebecca. Her breaks have been few and far between. So the night before her first day back to work was fairly rough. She didn't sleep much, cried a lot and worried greatly about Thomas. I think it was a little easier knowing that I was home, and as I said before, we've found a nanny that has connected well with Thomas and approaches Rebecca's exacting standards. It has been challenging for Rebecca actually getting to do her job. For some reason none of the people in her office want to talk about eye products... Rebecca is slowly adjusting and she maximizes her time with Thomas in the morning and at night.

I found last week fairly interesting and difficult in a different way. Monday was just Thomas and me, so it was all potato chips and 80s teen movies for us all day. Kathy (I guess its fair to refer to her by her name rather than a nebulous title) started Tuesday, and as I said, she's great with Thomas. He really responds to her well, she's doing the exercises that the therapists want and Thomas has made amazing strides in one week. So we're very pleases. I was working from home, so I was really there just to guide and answer questions. What was really difficult was letting Kathy handle things when Thomas got upset or needed attention. It was very difficult to suppress my instinct to take care of my son, to allow Kathy to do her job. It was so difficult in fact, that I had to, at times, find things to do away from the house. It was just unimaginably harder not to scoop Thomas up and hold him than I could imagine. I'm not sure I'll ever get used to that, but we'll see.

So what does any of this have to do with the title of this blog entry? Nothing really, I had wanted to write about the stuff above, so I just squeezed it in. So, yes, it does look like Thomas will be getting another scar. I know I'd mentioned Thomas' hemangioma on his bottom, which is healing extremely well and we don't anticipate any more laser treatments. I think I had also mentioned that Thomas had a dimple at the base of his spine. We noticed it while treating the hemangioma and brought it to the attention of the doctor. It kind of looks like the skin on his bottom was fused together a little. The doctor said that a dimple such as that could also be an indication of a tethered spinal cord. So we scheduled Thomas for an MRI, which we took him to get a week ago last Saturday. That in itself had its own little trauma, because they had to put Thomas under, which makes Rebecca very nervous. You can tell a baby as much you'd like that they can't move for an hour, but they rarely listen. So another trip to Children's hospital at o'dark a.m. Thomas did very well, came out of the MRI hungry and a little cranky and then chose not to sleep for the rest of the day.

We had hoped to get the MRI results some time last week, but no luck. We knew however that we would get them yesterday when I took Thomas to the pediatrician for his check up and immunization shots. Thomas had to get shots in both legs, which he was none too pleased about, but handled very well. He only cried for a second on each one. They were also very pleased with his growth. He's 23 inches and 12 pounds, 11.5 ounces. We've even gotten the ok to start introducing rice cereal to his diet. The doctor also came back with the MRI results at the end of our visit and let me know that Thomas does have a tethered spinal cord. Basically (and this is EXTREMELY basic, because I don't totally understand it, A spinal cord should be free at the base, but sometimes, especially in Preemies, it becomes attached to something. This can cause many issues if left untreated, including muscle weakness in the legs and orthopedic issues. Because it is the spinal cord we're dealing with, a neurosurgeon must perform the operation. We haven't met with one yet, so we don't know what exactly is involved in the surgery, what the risks are or when its going to happen.

I'd like to say that by now we're both used to this stuff, but the truth is we're not. The pediatrician said that she has seen this condition alot, so hopefully the procedure is routine. It is very distracting though. You would never know it by looking at Thomas what all he has been through. He is so lively, happy and laid back. He loves playing and laughing and he's learning to sit up. I'll post some pics and videos when I can.

Spinning the topic wheel for the first time...

2009-09-09T23:26:00.007-05:00

Round and round it goes, tick, tick, tick, tick, the topics whirl around, tick, tick, tick, tick (I'm building anticipation and excitement so that the reader will want to see how this turns out. Its a literary tool.) And our topic today is..."Doctor My Eyes". Awesome, I've got alot to say about Jackson Browne, been wanting to blog about him for years.

Jackson Browne, who's first name is actually Clyde, was born October 9, 1948. He is an American rock singer-songwriter and musician. His political interest and personal angst have been central to his career, resulting in popular songs such as "Somebody's Baby", "These Days", "The Pretender" and "Running On Empty". In 2004, Browne was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame by fellow American musical artist and good friend, Bruce Springsteen. During the same year, Browne received an honorary Doctorate of Music from Los Angeles' Occidental College for "a remarkable musical career that has successfully combined an intensely personal artistry with a broader vision of social change and justice"....

Wait, no, I was going somewhere else with that topic. I apologize for all of the confusion. What I actually wanted to talk about was Thomas' eyes. I know, I know, another blog entry about Thomas, I'm in a rut. I'll revisit Jackson Browne in the future. Anyway, Thomas' eyes have been a constant source of angst and concern in the Elliot household. Let me catch you up on what has progressed.

I think even before Thomas decided to enter this world early, he wasn't playing with a full deck in the eye sight gene pool. Rebecca is legally blind (yup, that's how I got her) and everyone in both of our families has some form of 4 eyes syndrome. I'm the lone anomaly. I laugh at eye charts and read the manufacturer at the bottom just to show off. Thomas' time in the NICU and on ventilation led us to the tough decision about ROP surgery, which I documented here. Just as a refresher, preemies that spend a significant amount of time on ventilation grow an overabundance of blood vessels in their eyes due to the oxygen. This leads to a significant risk of retinal detachment. ROP surgery takes care of those blood vessels, but can have its own side effects, including limited peripheral vision and vision loss. I also documented our follow up visit to see how the surgery went and that we got an A-OK, but that particular doctor was only judging mechanics and we would need to go to a second eye doctor to see what Thomas could see. All along the way, there were mixed signals about how is eyes were. Many nurses and therapists commented on how well his eyes were tracking (following objects). On the other hand, we could never get Thomas to look at us when we were holding him. I felt like one of Donald Trump’s servants, completely invisible. So, time came to go to the Ophthalmologist, which is different than an optometrist in a way that Rebecca could tell you for hours on end, but it’s not really germane to our story so I won’t bog.

So the set up was another examining room, the doctor had Rebecca sit in the examining chair with Thomas sitting in her lap. The lights go out, the doctor sits on a stool in front of Thomas and the assistant or nurse stands behind him. I sit in a chair against the wall, observing. The lights go out and goofiness begins. So Rebecca is holding him, the doctor is leaning in looking through one of those things that shine a light in your eye and the nurse is holding one of those multi-colored lighted pinwheels they sell at the circus. So for the next 15 minutes, the doctor would hold up different combinations of lenses to each of Thomas' eyes while the nurse spun the pinwheel and attempted to get Thomas' attention. Seemed really goofy to me, but I didn't go to school for this stuff. In the end, the doctor gave his assessment.

He believed that based on him looking through lenses into Thomas' eyes that Thomas is extremely near sighted, to the tune of -7 in one eye and - 9 in the other. Rebecca's eyes were -10 before she got lasered just to give you the blindness reference point. Basically, he believed that Thomas could see about a foot in front of him, everything else would be a blur. This took Rebecca and I completely by surprise. My immediate thought was, how can you possibly tell that by looking through lenses at a baby who certainly isn't capable of reading an eye chart or telling us what he can see. The doctor assured us that he's usually pretty good at this (cocky) and that the logical next step would be glasses. Not in a few years, but right away. He then shared with us a pamphlet with pictures of babies and little children wearing the most god-awful glasses I've ever seen. They were all round, pastel and just plain not cool. Apparently for babies, the glasses need to be flexible, which I'm ok with and ugly, which escapes logic with me.

Much like the multitude of other times that a medical professional shared with us difficult information, we took it in with a bit of numbness and tried to be as factual as possible in our questioning. The important thing is to get his eyes help sooner than later so that Thomas' development isn't stumped. Laser surgery is not an option until the growth in his eyes stops growing, which is typically in a child's teens. The doctor also saw a slight nystagmus, which is an involuntary movement of the eyes, kind of like they dance back and forth. I believe this is related to weak eye muscles which would also be helped by glasses.

Not wanting to believe what was probably true, we chose to wait til after our impending visit to the Retina Foundation. Because Thomas is a preemie, this was another "perk" that he gets. We weren't exactly sure what this was about, but looked at it as a possible second opinion on the condition of Thomas' eyes. It was a couple weeks after the appointment, so we spent most of that time staring at Thomas' eyes, wondering if he could see us. It was very disheartening and frustrating. After all we had gone through, we had thought that we'd cleared all of the hurdles and were home free. Thomas seemed blissfully unaware and happy.

The Retina Foundation can be found in a non-descript office building. Much of the furniture seemed semi-mismatched, possibly donated. It did not have the same feel of success that the offices of all of the other specialists we had visited had. We started out with the requisite paperwork that comes with each new visit. Rebecca is in charge of this, while Thomas and I find ways to be entertained. From there, we were led into another waiting room. This is where we learned a little about the Retina Foundation. Basically, its a study, government funded I assume, around vision in babies. Most of the doctors participating in the study were actually PHDs rather than MDs. The test was fairly odd. Rebecca and Thomas sat at a table and a very clinically focused lady sat across from her. Although the study is focused on babies, she clearly didn't have alot of experience with or interest in babies as anything other than test subjects. In front of the lady were a stack of hard backed posters. On each poster, there were 2 squares, one of which would have vertical lines on it. Depending on the poster, the lines were either very broad decreasing down to so narrow it was difficult for me to discern. The whole concept was that a baby's eyes would be attracted to the vertical lines and they were testing Thomas' ability to track to those vertical lines. To make things more interesting, they put a patch over one eye, and tested each eye separately. So the lady would flash a card, Thomas would look at the poster and when she saw that he looked at the right area, she would say good, tell her assistant some code and go to the next card. To keep Thomas looking the general direction of the cards, she had a little device that would play music very loudly, over and over.

I found the whole thing kind of silly. Mostly because Thomas looks all around naturally, eventually he's going to look one way or the other. They repeated cards to minimize blind luck (no pun intended), but it still seemed circumstantial and anecdotal at best. After pushing Thomas' patience, we were thanked for our time. In relation to the tests, Thomas did extremely well and tested in the top percentiles within the study. The results go to the Opthamologist, but basically it was not really the second opinion we hoped for. So we're back to where we started and have resigned ourselves to getting Thomas glasses, but I intend to make them very cool, skull and crossbones cool! We go back to the doctor in October to get Thomas sized up. Rebecca has also reached out to her colleagues in the optometry world who have given her reassurance that technology is progressing really well and that Thomas should be able to see and function just like anyone else.

Its still rough. We spend alot of time worrying about Thomas' eyes. I want him to have every opportunity, just like any parent would and it feels like a real possibility that Thomas will struggle learning or not be able to participate in a sport or something. It weighs on both of us and the unknown is scary. Thomas is just darn near perfect and we really don't want to see him go through anything else. I think he's had enough.

Until next time I spin the wheel...

Topic Teaser

2009-09-03T14:15:00.005-05:00

Since we're all settling back in to this blog thing, I have multiple subjects that I would like to address that we can all look forward to. So we'll break out the topic wheel and spin away. Here are the titles, as revealed by Alex Trabek:

Doctor my eyes
Nap time for Thomas
Potent Potables
Nanny-cam
How many grades will Thomas be skipping
A Day in the Life
Thomas' First Word
States that begin with the letter A

And I have found proof that Thomas is ticklish...

Happy 8th month Birthday to Thomas

2009-09-02T23:55:00.003-05:00

I'm going to just pretend that I did a blog yesterday and not a month ago and just move on as if nothing has happened. (They skipped like 10 years in the Lion King and noone seemed too worried about it.)

One thing I never want to hear when I'm out of town is Rebecca crying on the other end of the phone. Unfortunately, it happens sometimes. Each time I must establish that nothing is wrong with Thomas (a constant, unreasonable fear that I assume everyone probably has). If this was a movie I was directing, I'd insert a flashback scene to fill in the gaps and bring us up to speed on how we got here. In a blog, trying to properly quantify what Rebecca is feeling and why without writing an essay may be difficult, so I'll just try to hit the highlights.

Rebecca has to go back to work soon and we have begun the process of trying to identify someone to entrust with Thomas, without our supervision, a near impossible concept for Rebecca. We've tested the waters and the results have been mixed at best. I won't get into details at this time, maybe when time passes. The long and the short of it is that sometimes the porridge is too hot and sometimes it just tastes like dirt. So we're looking and hoping to find a Rebecca clone.

As the day closes in that Rebecca has to return to work, she has really struggled with everything we have gone through. It has gotten a little overwhelming to her just thinking about the journey, even through we appear to be through the worst of it. On top of that, the feeling that she wants and needs to be with Thomas is really pulling on her.

Everything is new and different. Our lives have settled into somewhat of a routine, although its nothing like either of us expected, or at times want. Responsibility has never been something I've aspired to and you'd be shocked at how much responsibility there is when it comes to a baby! I mean, its like constant. I can safely say that Thomas is the cutest darn thing in the world and much like playing golf where 18 holes of suffering are all washed away by an approach shot that lands on the green where you wanted it to go, even if you have know idea how you put it there, a single facial expression, giggle or movement from Thomas makes everything that happened up til then a distant memory. I mean really, how do you deny this child anything?

Before I go any further, I've posted a bunch of videos on youtube for your enjoyment. http://www.youtube.com/results?uploaded=m&search_query=melliot22&search_type=videos. Look for the most recent ones.

Thomas is 8 months old today, he weighs 11 pounds, 9 ounces and is about 22 inches long. Overall the doctors are all very pleased with his progress. He's on track for a 4 1/2 month baby, which is where they want him to be. He's laughing and making lots of noises, very ticklish and starting to really grow a personality.

Since I've last talked to you, we've been to an eye doctor, the retina foundation, the plastic surgeon, the pediatrician twice and a physical therapist. We've also begun ECI sessions in our house, where a therapist comes for an hour 3 times a month to work with Thomas to make sure he's develops his motor skills. Since its very late. I'm going to post this and I will come back shortly to tell you the stories of each of our doctor visits. There are some unique stories to be told. There are some medical things to addressed as well. I will cover them shortly.

Sorry this one wasn't terribly exciting or informative. Just needed to start somewhere.

Have I Lost My Audience?

2009-07-23T23:23:00.001-05:00

So, I've done a very poor job. I'm here today to make amends. I will offer excuses and reasoning as to why I haven't updated. I will pull on your heartstrings to gain sympathy and promise to turn over a new leaf. Then I will probably slip again. just warning you. Part of it is that I want to update the blog, but I want to have time to do it well, call it pride or conceitedness. You can also chalk it up to fitting 10 pounds of sand into a 5 pound bag. Thomas is a time sucker. Plus I misplaced him for about a week and a half and I really didn't want to post that, I just think some people might get a bad impression.

Its Thursday night, about 3 weeks since I last wrote and I'm sitting in my living room, watching some soccer, relaxing. My faithful dog, Charlie, is at my feet. Its quiet, too quiet. It seems like forever since I've done this. Haven't felt like there was something looming, an impending event that I must be at the ready for. No need to keep my wits about me or decide what to do based on a schedule that has been laid out that limits you to an hour or two. So how is it that I'm without worry or care and able to be blogging?

My lovely bride (inside joke) and cutest son in the world are in Shreveport being pampered by an untold number of immediate and distant family members. They've been there since Tuesday, forced to flee Dallas because I was going to be out of town, and frankly Thomas is too much to handle for one person for more than 8 hours at a time. Not that Thomas is in anyway a problem child, or either of us incapable of handling parenthood (the jury is still out, but I'm confident we'll get a favorable ruling), but because Thomas is not ready to face the world and all of the associated germs, he is mostly home bound and therefore so is one of us. Being trapped in the house for extended periods of time, especially multiple days, is just too tough from a sanity standpoint. Fortunately, Rebecca's mom and my mom have been able to swoop in during the week to help out, but this week, that wasn't an option, so Rebecca loaded up every imaginable baby rearing object and Thomas made his first road trip. From all accounts, its been a roaring success. Thomas is a social butterfly and absolutely thrives on attention and lots of people around him. Rebecca thrives on not having complete responsibility for a little while. Its been win-win.

So, having gotten back into town tonight, I find myself alone. It is bliss, I must be honest. The last 6 weeks have been a trial. Limited sleep and even more limited freedom have tested Rebecca and me. I have discovered that I'm a much more selfish person than I thought. Giving up the things that make me happy has made me less happy. I'm disappointed in myself because Rebecca does accommodate my need to get out and exercise, but I find myself still wanting more. I sometimes feel like one of the kids staring out the window from the Cat in the Hat cartoon, only the Cat has yet to show up and outside my window, instead of rain, there is nothing but sunshine and people having the time of their lives. That is an adjustment that everyone who's been through this speaks about, but they really don't do a good enough job of grabbing your shoulders, staring into your eyes and telling you: " For the next 4 months, everything that seems like fun or was part of your day to day routine is gone, forget about it." Rebecca and I have talked about it, our conclusion is that moms have selective memories (otherwise there would probably be alot more families with only 1 child) and dads just keep their mouth shut so that other men join their ranks for commiseration.

I think I've sufficiently laid out a case for sympathy. And I wouldn't trade it in for anything. Of course there is a light at the end of the tunnel, that obnoxiously cute child that continually does really cool things that only parents can truly appreciate. Not to say that other people don't like seeing a child discovering the world, but its amazing the seemingly innocuous movements or normally unappealing bodily functions that get us excited.

The one thing that Rebecca and I both marvel at is how our moms possibly pulled off raising us.

Thomas is over 8 and a half pounds and at least 21 inches long as of last check (2 weeks ago). He is developing some meaty legs and getting some fat rolls. So things are progressing nicely. Since my last post, we've been to a doctor of some sort 4 times. Here's a retrospective of a couple of them.

Last Monday afternoon:

We're sitting in another doctor's office, because that's what we like to do for fun, waiting. Today is the eye exam to make sure Thomas' eyes are progressing from the laser surgery. This is something neither of us is looking forward to. Examining a baby's eyes is not a delicate process. The nurse has brought Thomas into the examining room once already to dilate his eyes. We're back in the examining room and we're now applying drops to numb his eyes. Its been a bout 2 hours, so we eagerly await our 5 minutes with the doctor and he doesn't disappoint. "Hello, Hello, good to see you again, let's get started." The nurse swaddles Thomas and gets into a modified 2 point stance to hold him down. The doctor puts on a headgear that looks alot like night vision goggles, and as if to verify my perception, turns out the lights. The head gear has a flashlight of sorts and the examination begins. The tricky part of examining a baby's eyes using a bright light, is keeping them open, which they do with a wire device that looks like an unfolded paper clip. it looks very uncomfortable, and Thomas lets us know that it is. Very tough to sit and watch, but its over quickly and we get a clean bill of health. The doctor hasn't verified whether Thomas can see or well he can see, unfortunately we have to go to a different specialist for that. But things have healed from the surgery.

2 weeks ago Sunday

Its 7:00 in the evening and we've had a couple less than stellar days feeding Thomas. He's uncomfortable, fussy and generally not into taking his bottle. Rebecca has placed a call to the weekend nurse. Her determination is that we go to the emergency room at Children's. I know Thomas is not sick, that he probably has acid reflux or something, but the nurse is insistent that we not take any chances. So we pack up and head to the hospital, as the dinner I was about to cook sits idly by. We arrive and Rebecca checks us in and secures the area. She is not about to let Thomas get exposed to a sick baby in the ER and is able to work us into an area by ourselves. We spend time wondering if we've done something to cause us to be in this situation. We eventually get into an examining room and meet with the doctor. Based on the symptoms and the fact that Thomas had bowel surgery, they want to take an xray of his abdomen to make sure the bowel had not telescoped onto itself. First they need to draw some blood. The doctors and nurses are very nice and offer us 7 up and Gatorade, which we happily take, since its after 9 now and we still haven't eaten. The nurse comes in to do a heel stick. This entails pricking Thomas' heel and squeezing drop by drop, enough blood to fill a tiny vial. The process takes about 20 minutes, but Thomas handles it well. Thomas is consistently laid back and good natured at all these doctor visits. There will be a day he will probably hate the doctor's office, but for now, he couldn't be a better baby. We now move on to the x ray. The nurse and I don lead coats and I grab Thomas' legs and her his arms. We stretch him out and click... The doctor comes back in and after 4 hours of emergency room, we have learned...Thomas is constipated. The doctor recommends a suppository, things work themselves out and I begin cooking dinner at 11:30.

June 30 update

2009-06-30T21:07:00.005-05:00

Week 3 and we're starting to get a little rhythm and alot tired. We're now entering an interesting time in the blog where I have to discuss and share our parenting approach, which I'm sure will open us up to scrutiny and judgement by parents, but at the same time will hopefully provide a guide for those of you who may wish to some day give up sleep, personal freedom and spontaneity. So here's a couple tips we've learned that have helped us.

Tip #1: Night feedings and sleep. This has been a tough one. Thomas needs to eat constantly, but I also need my beauty sleep. So I came up with a simple solution that kills a couple birds with one stone. What I do is put Thomas in the crib and then put a bucket of KFC chicken in the crib with him. This way, when Thomas gets hungry in the night, he can follow the delicious smell of 11 herbs and spices to food and we can sleep through the night. Whatever is left over becomes breakfast for us. Now, right now, because Thomas has no teeth and his hands are small, I usually find him just sucking on a drumstick, but last night he did manage to pull out a breast and use it as a pillow. I call that progress.

Tip #2: Bath time. Thomas isn't crazy about baths. Its cold and traumatic, plus Rebecca always seems to want to do it when there's something on t.v. Again, I came up with a multi-tasking stroke of genius. I smothered Thomas with jelly and then set him down in front of our dog, Charlie. Charlie cleans Thomas, Charlie gets fed, problem solved. If you employ this tactic, be sure to cover your child head to toe, that way you can see if your dog misses a spot.

As we go along, I'll share more parenting tips. Next week, incorporating your child into your work out as a free weight.

This week is multiple doctor visit week. Monday, we took Thomas to see a plastic surgeon to look at his hemangioma on his bottom. The doctor was at Children's Hospital. We'd never been there before, but it was really nice. Lots of warm colors, soft lines, natural light, very un-hospital. It it weren't for all of the kids running around, it would have been great.

We arrived at the scheduled time of 10 am, only to be informed that the doctor was running an hour and a half behind. Rebecca immediately went into calculating mode and realized that we didn't have food to cover an extended visit (and I didn't see a KFC anywhere). The receptionist assured us that we would be out of there by noon. That seemed very odd, given that best case we wouldn't get into an examining room til 11:30. Sure enough, in a blink of an eye (after an hour or so in the waiting room) we were whisked into a room, the doctor swooped in, made a diagnosis based on information we could have given him over the phone or in an email and we were spit out the other end. It was alot like going on a ride at an amusement park. You stand in line for ever for 30 seconds. Doesn't seem worth it.

Oh well, the long and the short of it is that they are going to laser the hemangioma, starting Thursday, which will be doctor visit #3 for the week. #2 will be tomorrow, just the normal check up. The doctor thinks it will take 3 to 4 treatments. Hopefully this will not be too painful for him.

Thomas really seems to enjoy the visits to the outside world. He is always in such a good mood at the doctor's office, no fussiness, just wide eyed and laid back, taking it all in. Once we get home though, he's thrown off for at least a day. He doesn't eat as well or sleep normally and is generally unhappy. The only thing I can figure is that after all of the new sites and interesting new people, he finds Rebecca and me to be a big let down.

Finally, Rebecca took Thomas on his first stroller ride outside today. He's not fond of the bright lights and kept his eyes closed most of the time, but seemed to enjoy himself.

Quite a cliff hanger

2009-06-23T21:39:00.001-05:00

My sincerest apologies for the delay in an update. Who knew parenting was time consuming? I mean really, how about a little insight?

I've been meaning to update and have stuff to share, time just slips away. My mom reminded me how I had left the last blog entry at the doctor's office without any resolution and that's a little unfair. Thomas is exhibiting the ability to climb walls, shoot a web-like substance from his wrists and has a sixth sense, kind of like a spider. The doctor says that's all pretty normal.

I will sum that one up by saying the appointment was short and sweet. The doctor was pleased with how well the first weekend went. So let me fill you in on the 7 days that have followed.

We're into our second week of self sufficiency, learning the nuances of non-verbal communication, between us and Thomas and each other. Its very important I think to pick up cues that anyone of the 3 of us has reached a melting point. With Rebecca and me, its easier to identify than with Thomas and I think we are doing pretty darned good. We're supporting each other pretty well and doing our best to share all of the responsibilities. Basically, Rebecca takes care of Thomas and I go out drinking with the boys after my shift is over at the factory. Thomas is extremely good natured and doesn't get to fussy that much. When he does, there really are 4 main culprits: hunger, gas, a dirty diaper or most importantly a lost pacifier. He hates that last one and will really let you know quick. Rebecca and I, with the timely help of her mom and my mom, have managed to get a decent system down that allows us to trade off feedings and get semi-short, if not completely restful sleep.

Oh, I guess the vitals are important. Thomas weighs 7 pounds, 2 ounces and is taking about 2 to 3 ounces every 3 to 4 hours. He's doing really well. The ulcer is about the same, we'll be going to a plastic surgeon to see what can be done.

The feedings pretty much rule our lives at the moment. I don't even think about night and day, or normal milestones of the day. Its all about those 3 hour windows and what might happen. Will he sleep, does he want to interact, or will he be fussy? The fussy times are obviously the most challenging. Its tough to get anything done and you just feel awful for him, especially if you can't figure out what's wrong. This too will pass.

Father's Day was great, you know, because I got stuff and who doesn't like another day for gifts. It was obviously a little more meaningful than that. I actually spent Father's day watching soccer and recovering from a race that Rebecca and Thomas allowed me to do in Little Rock, Arkansas the day before. I had planned to do this race, an off road tri, a few months ago thinking that Thomas would have been home long before and things would be somewhat settled. Little did we know that Thomas would show up race week. Training was a little haphazard leading up to the race anyway, between travel and hospital visits, and a week of late hour feedings wasn't optimum either. The toughest thing was skipping out for 2 days and leaving Rebecca and Thomas. Fortunately, Rebecca's mom was there to help. The race was very hot and difficult. It sounds a little corny, but if I started to run out of energy, I would just picture Rebecca holding Thomas and both of them looking at me. It gave me a boost and I was able to keep going, although I will admit on the last leg, the run, it got a little tough to get the image clear in my head (it was really hot).

So we're cruising along. I will do a better job of updating going forward.

First Field Trip

2009-06-16T14:19:00.004-05:00

Today is Thomas' first check up with the pediatrician. We're sitting in the waiting room for our 2:00 appointment. Its now 2:40, but I'm sure we'll be getting in at any moment. Its been a bit of a reunion, as 2 of Thomas' roommates from the NICU, Jonathan and Victor, have also shown up for their first appointment. They were scheduled for 2:15 and 2:30 (so apparently these appointments will only take 15 minutes...). They had both been discharged as well last week. We all made the rookie mistake of going into the wrong waiting room. The pediatric office has a "sick" waiting room and a "well" waiting room so that babies that aren't sick don't get exposed to the ones that are. The waiting rooms aren't labeled, so I guess you're just supposed to know. Since we're all well, and there were no sick babies, and the well waiting room was packed, they let us stay. Unfortunately, a sick patient showed up, so we all just had to move to the well waiting room. The waiting room appears to have been designed with only preemies in mind. It fits probably 2 to 3 families, semi-comfortably. We have 5 families in here, consisting of 8 adults and 7 children. I'm sitting on the linoleum. Its cold and I can't stretch my legs out. It reminds of going through Fraternity pledging, only not as much fun. Rebecca just went to the bathroom to change Thomas and its bigger than the waiting room. I may move into there. (she also realized she forgot diapers in the diaper bag and we had to bum one off of another mom. Highly embarrassing. I mean, its a diaper bag! Hello! We will review her preparation skills when we get home, but rest assured, she's never going to be in charge of packing for a camping trip.)

Prior to being kicked out of the sick side, we were in there with fraternal twins who I think were a couple years old. The nurse came to get them and you would have thought the boy had seen a ghost or was being led to his impending doom. He clearly recognized the nurse and had no interest in what she had to offer, despite her promise of not having a needle.

Its now 3:00.

When we left the house, we pulled out of the alley and up to the stop light. The car behind us was not paying attention, going fast and nearly ran up on me. Before I knew it, Rebecca was out of the car and letting what I suspect was a startled young girl that we had a new born in the car. I believe I will go invest in a Baby on Board sign right away so that Rebecca doesn't have to personally deliver the message anymore.

Catch up on the last few days. Rebecca's mom came in on Sunday, which has been a much needed relief. We've worked her into the rotation, so we're getting some sleep, but not as much as we liked. Thomas has continued to do well. He hates a dirty diaper, which is about the only time he gets fussy. The only drawback of Rebecca's mom being here is it puts my little game to the test. As kind of a joke, I intentionally avoided using the names of her parents when speaking to them. I've managed to keep it up for a few years now, although I had to break my streak with her dad during the initial crisis with Rebecca's pregnancy (hardly fair, but rules are rules). So with all of the help and support she's giving us and the interaction, its difficult to continue the streak, but I'm still going, just like Cal Ripken. Anyway, thank you so much for everything unnamed mother of my wife.

Its 3:15 and we're in! I'll update how it went later.

Tag Team

2009-06-14T11:53:00.005-05:00

We're trying to get a rhythm going. We were doing a great job of taking turns on the 3 hour feedings, which gave each of us about 5 hours to rest, until Thomas decided he would stay up from 2 am to around 6. Threw things off, but he and I hung out and watched part of the movie the Love Guru with Mike Myers. It may have been that it was 4 in the morning and I was only half watching and half entertaining Thomas, but I think critics may have gotten this one wrong. Not that bad...

He's doing really great on his feedings, sucking down most bottles in 20 minutes or less. So as far as that goes, he's great. His ulcer is the only thing we're really worried about. It appears to be getting a little worse and bleeds occasionally. Thomas seems mostly unaffected by it. Thomas' pediatrician wants a plastic surgeon to look at it, so we'll see.

There's one thing that I'm already having difficulty with. Its the home confinement. The sleep patterns and late night feedings are no big deal. I'm an outdoors guy and extended periods indoors while there are things to be done outside, like soccer and riding bikes and volleyball drives me crazy. Even mowing the lawn looks good. I'm looking forward to when Thomas can go outside and chase after me. Many advetures await..along with some scrapes and bruises, but I'm sure Thomas will take care of me.

Saturday morning

2009-06-13T09:27:00.004-05:00

First night was relatively smooth. We all managed to do our feedings and get in little naps. I only woke up once in a panic to make sure Thomas' silence was peaceful slumber. Its a little tough to trust that everything will be ok, to take that leap of faith that without all the wires and sensors all will be ok.

Rebecca took the 1:00 and I took the 4:00. luck of the draw favored me greatly, in that Thomas took his bottle in less than 20 minutes without any breaks. I was already for a feeding battle and was kind of left standing there, not knowing what to do. Wide awake and Thomas hadn't given me a challenge. So we both went right back to sleep. At 7, Rebecca's turn, Thomas was a little feistier and has not gone to sleep since, so Thomas, Charlie and I are hanging in the living room while mommy gets some much needed sleep.

I think the "room in" wiped us both out. Not much sleep and uncomfortable furniture left us beaten and sore. I think in a day or so, we'll be good to go.

Home Sweet Home

2009-06-12T22:48:00.003-05:00

Well I think we are settled in, or at least we're all learning to adjust to each other. Always awkward when a new roommate moves in. Everyone is establishing their boundaries and rules. Charlie has shown only mild interest in the new arrival.

We've had 3 successful feedings (2 for Thomas, 1 for us) and we're gearing up for the first night without a safety net. I will catch everyone up tomorrow, but we're all happy to be home and Thomas is reasonably excited about his new surroundings.

Good night

Live Blog #13 5:00pm Friday

2009-06-12T17:12:00.005-05:00

We have cleared all of our stuff out of the room and rolled back into the NICU for Thomas' car seat test. Basically they put him in the car seat and I stand behind and make car noises to see how we will react. Actually, its just to make sure he can breathe and such while strapped into the seat.

We've gone through all of the discharge information, signed the forms and taken down all off the pictures and signs. Its really starting to hit home that this place and the staff that have been a significant part of our lives for 5 months are about to not be. So there's a lot of happy/sad going on. Several nurses that have taken care of Thomas have come by one last time. There are many others that we may not get to say goodbye and thank you to, but we can't possibly thank everyone enough for what they did for Thomas and for us. We weren't the patients, but they truly took care of us and helped us through a very trying experience. Thank you to each and every one of you.

Unless something interesting happens, the next blog you will probably get is from our house.

Live Blog #12 1:00pm Friday

2009-06-12T13:01:00.002-05:00

Freedom? Or should I just look at it as house arrest. We've made the determination that all 3 of us are going home today. The doctor made the very astute observation that after 5 months and 10 days, one more day at the hospital isn't going to make a bit of difference. I can also safely say that after 5 months and 10 days, we're not ready. We just rattled off 5 or 6 things that we still need to get done. But what's done is done.

We're going to feed Thomas one more time here ( he totally went comatose and slept his way through the last one) and then we'll begin the discharge process, which includes the car seat test. More updates to come.

Live Blog #11 10:06am Friday

2009-06-12T10:05:00.002-05:00

Boy, things just happen fast around here. While I was typing the last entry, the doctor came in and did his assessment. He was pleased with how things went last night and would like to talk about the possibility of us leaving...today...with Thomas...basically, its our comfort level. I'll let you know.

Live Blog #10 9:40am Friday

2009-06-12T09:38:00.003-05:00

Single dad.

Thomas and I have been alone for almost an hour now. Forging ahead against the elements, living off the land. we've fashioned a shelter out of trays from the cafeteria and we've set a trap in hopes of capturing a wild pig or some chicken mcnuggets. Its indeed scary. I hope we can make it until Rebecca gets back in an hour.

Live Blog #9 8:15am Friday

2009-06-12T08:17:00.004-05:00

I'm the worst parent ever. Slept right through the 7:30 feeding. I did sort of acknowledge things occasionally, but for the most part I was out. I guess the old saying is true. a man isn't a man without his 3 hours of sleep.

To give you an idea of the size of the room, the chair folds out into small bed, about half the size of a twin. When its open, it blocks either the sink, the bathroom or the front door. We took the lesser of the evils and blocked the sink, which means every time we needed to use the sink, we have to climb over the bed. Its a comical scene. Its our little efficiency.

Live Blog #8 5:10am Friday

2009-06-12T05:07:00.002-05:00

Thomas took another bottle with minimal discussion. He's a big fan of playing possum, where he'll instantly fall asleep and close his mouth. Ironically, the easiest way to wake him back up is to lay him back down in the crib. So technically I'm off duty til around 10. If I can help it, I'll sleep through the next feeding. As Thomas and Rebecca are a distant 3 feet from me, that should be no problem at all.

Live Blog #7 4:10am Friday

2009-06-12T04:12:00.002-05:00

Well this one sucks. First really interrupted sleep. So much for taking turns. Super mom got up and supervised all of my prep. Bottles are warming. I'm going to wake and feed him now.

Live Blog #6 1:20am Friday

2009-06-12T01:18:00.003-05:00

Alarm went off at 1. I was dosing off, Thomas and Rebecca were both asleep. Thomas appears to be the one least excited about being up. Rebecca is taking the first watch. She's gotta give Thomas vitamins on top of his feeding, it looks a lot like wheat grass and smells almost as good. Normally they put it down his feding tube. We're just supposed to mix it with a little milk. It looks awful. I suspect he will not like it very much.

I'm going to wait here and see how this goes...

Yeah, he hates that. We're switching to the normal feed. Happier, but tired.

Live Blog #5 12:40am Friday

2009-06-12T00:39:00.002-05:00

Just escaped our little prison to check on the dog and rabbit, and it was heaven. Lingered a little while on the couch. So nice to be away from here and its only been 8 hours. 40 more to go...

Fairly tired now, but fortunately they have provided furniture that is equally small, lumpy and hard. There will be little sleep between feedings.

Live Blog #4 10:00pm Thursday

2009-06-11T22:00:00.002-05:00

Second feed done! It was my turn this time and I was awesome. Thomas was weighed before the feeding and weighs 6 pounds, 10 ounces.

Live Blog #3 8:45pm Thursday

2009-06-11T20:43:00.004-05:00

OK, we just had our feeding. I made it down to the cafeteria and squeezed in right as they were closing. Choices were slim so I chose the always solid combination of salmon and rice pilaf and chicken strips and fries. We split both. Rebecca was also treated to her first dinner interrupted. As we were about to enjoy our bounty, Thomas got very fussy and Rebecca had to settle for a combination of one handed eating and being fed by me.

Thomas has fallen asleep and we're sitting back waiting for the next feeding.

Live Blog #2 7:00pm Thursday

2009-06-11T18:25:00.004-05:00

Background:
So, Tuesday the determination was made that because Thomas wasn't feeding very well, that we needed to switch things up by rooming in for 48 hours to see if Thomas would respond to us and a little change of scenery. so for the last 2 days they have only been feeding him through the tube. Today, they removed that tube and now its just us, Thomas and the bottle. Rooming in is a normal part of the process for moving out of the NICU. Typically its only 24 hours, but we get twice the fun (yeah!).

We decided we needed to get this done as soon as possible, so I raced back to Dallas from Belton today and we prepped for lock down. It really felt like I was heading for prison stint, so in preparation, I went to the bar for my last drink, ate fried chicken (my favorite food), visited the beach to feel the ocean spray, visited the mountains to touch the sky and visited 6 Flags to ride some rides. Actually, I only had time to pack and install the baby seat base in Rebecca's car. I'm not sure I maximized my last hours of freedom.

So we packed enough to stay for many days, because you never know what you're going to want to wear at a hospital, made our way up here and moved into our closet. If any of you visited Rebecca when she was on bed rest, its similar, but about half the size, kind of like a suite in New York City. It has a single bed and a chair and a view of another part of the hospital. So we're snug, but it will be ok.

From there, we went back over to learn how to make Thomas' bottles. Its a process of measuring out milk and formula and thickener in specific amounts. It was a little confusing, but they gave us a cheat sheet. We went ahead and mixed enough for the next 4 feedings, just seemed better than trying to do that at 3 in the morning.

We rolled Thomas' crib back to our room and checked into our room. They put a bracelet on Thomas that will set off an alarm if he leaves the floor. At the front desk, we had a mini reunion with 3 of the nurses that took care of Rebecca 5 months ago when she was on bed rest. They all got to meet Thomas and he was happy to be the center of attention.

We are settling in and Thomas has successfully taken his first feed. We're going to unpack and I'm going to get us some food from the cafeteria. More to come.

Live Blog #1 6:15pm Thursday

2009-06-11T18:13:00.002-05:00

A lot of catch up is in order, which I will do throughout the next 48 hours. To summarize though. I am sitting in an adjustable bed in a fairly small room on the 7th floor of the Baylor hospital. In this room with me is my lovely wife, our first child Thomas, a crib, 2 suitcases, a cooler and a fair amount of apprehension. We are going to be in this room for the next 2 days seeing how it is to be parents, feeding him every 3 hours and basically seeing what this whole family thing is about. If this goes ok, they may send Thomas home. Over the next 48 hours, I will try to live blog this experience as best I can. So get your popcorn ready, pull up a chair and get ready for riveting literature full of intrigue, plot twists and a surprise ending you'll never see coming.

Rebecca is attempting the very first feed. I will update shortly and catch you up on the events leading up to now.

Are we there yet?

2009-06-09T23:43:00.003-05:00

Tuesday night and we're at a little cross road. After a weekend where it really seemed Thomas was getting the hang of things, bottle-wise, we've kind of regressed a little yesterday and today. Thomas went in for an MRI Monday afternoon, which was planned, just to check on things. Because of the nature of the MRI machine, and the nature of a baby (especially Thomas Wild Arms Elliot), they had to sedate him to do the MRI.

There may be no connection at all, but since then Thomas has shown signs of being stressed and has really resisted taking the bottle. Since we're trying to move forward and out the door, our doctor met with Rebecca today and wants us to room in for 48 hours. What that means is that we will play house, sort of, at the hospital. The doctor hopes that 2 days of quiet and consistency will get Thomas on the right track. If it doesn't, then we may have to look at the G tube so that Thomas can come home. So we've got to figure out exactly when we can shut down everything for a couple days. It'll be just like going away to a spa for the weekend, only there's no spa, no room service, no pool and I have a suspicion that one of us will be sleeping in a chair. Oh, and there will be a 5 month preemie in the room that will need to feed every 3 hours. I'm looking forward to being totally refreshed.

Its a little frustrating. I thought things were going pretty good, and they may still. Could be that Thomas just needs to be around his parents. That's my hope.

They also got back the results from the MRI. His eyes look great. They did find an old tiny bleed in his cerebellum, but the doctor is not concerned about it. Thomas has been developing very well and shows no signs of any issues. They also noticed that his pituitary gland is a little small, which could potentially affect his growth. We will be referred to a specialist once we leave the NICU to monitor things. All in all, he's in fantastic shape over all.

So that sums up an event-filled day. Let me at least add a ray of sunshine to today's entry. Here's a great video of Thomas from last week. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WQMPF-_aJp4

The Diaper Don

2009-06-08T21:29:00.005-05:00

From Reuters: Dateline June 8, 2009

Dallas, TX

The FBI has confirmed that they are investigating allegations of an organized crime syndicate headed by the notorious Thomas "Baby Face" Elliot. FBI spokesperson Robin Banks stated that an on-going investigation was begun 5 months ago. "We have been tracking Baby Face's movements for some time now. We're hopeful that by coming forward with our investigation that honest citizens will come forward and cooperate." Ms. Banks admitted that witnesses have been unwilling to come forward. "We don't know if they are afraid of repercussions or they're just too young and haven't learned how to speak yet. Either way, no one's talking."

Baby Face Elliot is accused of running a myriad of questionable and potentially illegal operations within the confines of the Baylor NICU. Charges include illegal betting, black market contraband and blackmail. One former preemie, who spoke to us on condition of anonymity, gave us a look into the inner workings of the "CUE". "Look, this is nothing new, when I was there, Bob 'Binky' Buttons ran a numbers game based on when babies get released from the NICU. You could bet on anything, how much weight a baby would gain, the time it took for a nurse to respond if you started crying, stuff like that. Eventually Binky's number was called and there was someone there to fill his spot. They can try to take down Baby Face, but someone else will be there to pick up the slack. We all participated in it. There was nothing else to do, you just lay there all day. I would have gone nuts if I didn't have the betting to keep me busy. And if you need a pacifier or an extra blanket, they'd get it for you...for a price."

That price can be heavy. Many speculate that beyond the inability to form words, let alone sentences, babies aren't spilling the beans because each is a victim of blackmail through the use of compromising photographs. Pictures in goofy outfits forced on them by clueless parents or babies caught drooling in their sleep are kept for years to maintain a code of silence.

Local investigators say they've heard rumor of illicit activities going on up there, but have been unable to infiltrate the tight knit community. Officer Pepe Roni, who is familiar with the case stated "We tried to put an under cover cop in there, but they ratted him out on the first day. I knew it wasn't going to work. I mean really, no amount of make up is going to make a grown man look like a preemie. It was pretty stupid."

Other attempts have been made to catch Baby Face red-handed. Police raided the NICU and found over 60 diapers, 5 pacifiers and 14 blankets under Elliot's crib. His attorney Sue Yu has stated that everything found was for personal use and that her client has done nothing wrong. "Thomas Elliot is an upstanding member of society and just wishes to be left alone to be read to and held."

Baby Face, seen here leaving a Chicago Hotel, has been very reclusive, has spoken in public on only 3 occasions, each more confusing than the other:

Upon arriving at the Baylor NICU, Elliot told his nurse, "You can get further with a kind word and a bottle of formula than you can with just a kind word."

At a birthday for another preemie in April, Baby Face was overheard saying, "People are gonna drink! You know that, I know that, we all know that, and all I do is act on that. And all this talk of nursing - what is nursing? On a boat, it's bootlegging. On Lake Shore Drive, it's hospitality. I'm a businessman!"

Finally, just last week, reporters caught up with him as he was moved from one NICU unit to another for undisclosed reasons (rumor has it that the hospital administration was trying to limit Baby Face's power by separating him from his organization, but this could not be confirmed). Thomas went on record with this strange ramble: "I'm gonna tell you something. Somebody messes with me, I'm gonna mess with with him. Somebody steals from me, I'm gonna say you stole. Not talk to him for spitting on the sidewalk. Understand? Now, I have done nothing to harm these people but they are angered with me, so what do they do, doctor up some income tax, for which they have no case. To speak to me like me, no, to harass a peaceful man. I pray to god if I ever had a grievance I'd have a little more self respect. One more thing, you have an all out prize fight, you wait until the fight is over, one guy is left standing. And that's how you know who won. By the way, I don't know how to stand yet."

To try and take down this operation, the FBI has brought in a legend familiar with organized crime and what it takes to take down a high profile figure like Baby Face. Eliot Ness was introduced at a press conference and pledged to take down Baby Face. Asked what his plan was, Ness was quoted as saying "Not really sure, I'm not real good with kids, but I need this bad, I haven't had a successful case since 1931."

Thomas' first trip to Disney World

2009-06-07T00:33:00.001-05:00

Here is Thomas at Disney World getting a tour from Walt himself.

Friday Feeding Frenzy

2009-06-06T16:20:00.000-05:00

Friday night and its been a decent day feeding-wise. Thomas did real well for Rebecca this afternoon and she's feeding him again right now. We're crossing our fingers. There is talk of one or both of us rooming in to feed him at night, maybe early in the week. As I understand it, we'd stay at the hospital so that we could feed him in the middle of the night. Sounds like a really exciting night. I'll bring an xbox, and movies and a 6 pack of A&W and oreos, and...oh yeah, its probably really more about Thomas.

Thomas is still having an issue with the hemangioma on his bum. As I mentioned it developed an ulcer and it bled a little tonight. I imagine its not comfortable, but he doesn't complain alot. He really has a great disposition. To help heal the wound, they have to let it breathe. So at least 30 minutes, 3 times a day he gets to lay on his tummy with his bum in the air and no diaper. Its a freedom not many get to enjoy. To this point, we've chosen not to take pictures of an event he would surely rue.

Thomas has a fairly consistent roommate, who I will call Jonathan. Totally made up name, I have no idea who he is, might have made up that there is even a baby in the next crib (I had to issue that statement for HIPAA). Anyway Jonathan and Thomas are about the same speed in development, have had alot of similar operations, etc. They are also apparently big talkers and love attention. One will get fussy and then the other one and vice versa. There were twin girls in the room, so they might have been showing off, but their near constant demands for attention drove away the twins. I'm not sure if that can be counted as being shot down, but they definitely didn't impress. A tough and valuable lesson was learned.

Is it too late to register for this?

2009-06-04T14:24:00.004-05:00

Only 7 months til Christmas...

http://gizmodo.com/5278850/bomo-baby-carriage-is-an-infant+toting-robot

Happy Birthday Mommy!

2009-06-04T09:21:00.001-05:00

Love Thomas!

Happy Birthday Thomas!

2009-06-02T21:03:00.002-05:00

Well its been 5 months. I never had any real expectation the morning of January 2nd and I certainly was not thinking about June 2nd back then. We've been through a lot of things that I just never could have imagined. It has brought us closer together to each other, to our families, to our friends and allowed us to meet many others who have become our friends.

Is very much a big picture/little picture thing now.

Big picture, Thomas is healthy and without any major issues (he had another neural scan yesterday and everything was normal). Based on percentages, Thomas probably shouldn't be this healthy and could easily have slipped away from us. We are lucky and blessed and wowed by Thomas every day.

Little picture, going to the hospital every day for 5 months has been tough. Leaving Thomas every day for 5 months has been much tougher. This last week has been especially hard for Rebecca. She can sense the end of this part of the story and really wants to move on to the next chapter. Me, I'm a boy, I come from a military family, I travel a bunch for my work. Being away from loved ones is ingrained in me. Tough as nails, I am. I'm also pretty good at just dealing with the moment and not getting too worked up about what I can't control (laid back laziness, its a way of life). Don't get me wrong, I am in complete agreement with Rebecca that Thomas is the cutest baby ever. I can't wait to see him each time and know its going to be awesome when he's home. Rebecca wants to be there for Thomas all of the time and 3 hours a day just isn't cutting it. I think that's a mommy thing.

Its all about doing the right thing for Thomas. Letting him develop and establish the ability to feed without it being traumatic is very important (big picture). Patience is a virtue and all that stuff and I know that if it takes 3 days or 3 weeks from now to get Thomas home, in a year, it will be little more than a memory and a small part of a much larger story. I think I've written something like this several times, but I need to keep doing it to remind me, and Rebecca, that this is and will be such a tiny part of Thomas' life.

So where is he, and what's taking so long? Its a good question. (acceptable answers would be Baylor Hospital, just laying around, sucking on a pacifier or Disney World, the happiest place on earth) Basically, when Thomas is in the zone, he can drink a bottle with the best of them. When he's sleepy, he struggles, and sometimes even when he's not sleepy (which is when it can be frustrating). Sometimes he'll get too excited and forget to breathe or try to breathe while he's taking the bottle. Sometimes he'll arch his back and push away. He may be uncomfortable or something (from acid reflux or trauma from the ventilation tube), we're just not sure. So, each feeding is a hold your breath and hope for the best kind of thing. I think really, he's been more successful than not, he just needs a little more time to get the hang of it. He's really only been at it for a couple weeks.

The other thing that we're working on is motor skill development. On that front, Thomas seems to be excelling. Today, they worked on placing Thomas on his stomach and letting him work on pushing himself up. He did fantastic. He's really good at holding his head up and supporting himself. He's exceptionally strong. Especially his legs. Sometimes when you're holding him in a sitting position, he will push up and extend his legs out, basically supporting his own weight (with some help, he's not actually standing on his own). His balance is a long ways off of course, but its really cool. He kind of gets surprised at himself and how much more he can see when he's standing.

Well this blog was long winded and mostly without purpose. Its hard to describe where we are. I think for the most part, we're both very positive and in good spirits. We just really want Thomas to come home as quickly and safely as possible. So, in summary, Happy Birthday Thomas!

Sunday Grab Bag

2009-05-31T20:37:00.004-05:00

First things first, many, many new pictures are in the slideshow to the left, like 250 (I know, hard to believe, but we were able to capture Thomas at a cute moment or two). You can click on it and go to the photo album to see the pics bigger. Second, you will find this blog to be full of random thoughts. As a result, it doesn't really tell a cohesive story. Sorry, I will look around my surroundings and find something to be inspired by one of these days.

Sunday night measurements night. Thomas is 6 pounds 3 and a half ounces and 18 3/4 inches long. He's chunking out quite nicely. Feeding is becoming a hit or miss proposition for Thomas. He's fighting the bottle more than we would like. We're not sure (mostly because we're not doctors and have nothing but wild speculation as our guide) whether his nose is stopped up and he can't breathe, or the constant barrage of ventilator tubes down his throat have made things painful to swallow, or he has acid reflux, or he's so advanced that he knows if he holds out long enough, the food gets put in the stomach automatically (and isn't that every man's dream?)

Some feedings, Thomas has been a champ, a full bottle in 20 minutes. Others, not so much, he'll fight, kick, cough, sleep and basically avoid any and all attempts to feed him. He was feeding 4 times a day and tube feeding 4. Today, they moved him up to 6 on, 2 off. We're not sure how he will handle this, but we're hopeful.

So, maybe this week we'll get him home, but there's really no way of telling. Thursday is Rebecca's birthday and all she wants is Thomas, but we're being patient and I think she will happily accept a belated birthday card, one of those really clever ones where there's a donkey on the front and inside it says "Sorry I'm such an ass for forgetting your birthday!", if its from Thomas.

I know there are a couple people that have expressed an interest in seeing Thomas when he gets home and we heard from someone (we can't remember who) that you really have to keep a preemie basically in quarantine to protect him for several months. I had the idea that we could have a party outside of Thomas' nursery window and at the right moment, we would open the blinds, I would charge a dollar and people could come up and look through the window as Rebecca held him up. Further discussions with trusted professionals have indicated, that people can see Thomas, we just have to be careful about people touching him, especially if they are in anyway sick or a child (They are apparently germ factories. Be warned if you've got one in your house! Protect yourself!). We may still have the party, just raise money for Thomas' college fund (or that table top Galaga game that Thomas told me he wanted), but we can probably have people over in small doses.

This sign appeared the other night all over the place. The immediate speculation amongst myself and Rebecca is that her natural curiosity (nosiness) and flair for small talk (nosiness) with other parents had brought down the wrath of the hospital in the form of a politely worded sign. I've mentioned the very unique situation that a NICU is. Privacy is more of a state of mind than an actuality when you're 3 feet from the next baby and your chair is bumping the next parent's. So we have been more than a little guilty of peeking at other babies, over hearing conversations and, on occasion, preaching the gospel of Thomas to let others know that things aren't that scary. Being that we feel like we know everyone up here and everyone appears to know us, we were a little paranoid, but kind of "oh well" that we were a target, if not the target.

One nurse said it was really more targeted at people who blatantly walk up to babies that they don't have any association with, or discuss babies with other people that they have no association with. We're probably still walking a fine line, but its so difficult not to notice when the same baby is next to you for weeks, or another parent is constantly crossing your path and you know what they are going through, because you're going through it. It was also fun to joke that what's the worst they can do, kick us out? That's what we want anyway.

Limbo Limbo

2009-05-28T21:03:00.003-05:00

That's right, we're in Jamaica, sipping drinks poolside, watching the limbo contest...wait...no...I was day dreaming again. We're in the NICU and Rebecca is trying to straight jacket Thomas so she can finish feeding him. Its kind of funny. He gets an arm free and he just starts swinging it around. Makes it very difficult to keep a bottle in place. Lock those arms up and he's relatively calm and not nearly as distracted.

There was a reason I was thinking about limbo though, because that's where we are. In a state of nothing, waiting for an undefined event that we can't control or predict. So, its very frustrating. We go up there every day and interact with him and fuss all over him, after all he is the cutest baby in the world. We are in this weird state where we spend too much time and not near enough time with him. It takes forever, but it goes by in an instant. So I know we're waiting for him to take a bottle on a consistent basis, but its just really hard to tell when that will be. He seems to be making progress, but its slow, some days are better than others. I'm tired of saying "maybe a week or so". I think people are starting to doubt my knowledge of the situation.

Rebecca is obviously more than ready for Thomas to come home. I try to tell her that its no big deal, that he will be coming home soon, but I know she doubts my knowledge of the situation. Her patience is wearing thin, and as much as I fear how we will handle taking care of Thomas on our own, I'm ready to move forward to the next step. I know its soon, but not knowing exactly when is really wearing on both of us.

We did have something happen today that gave us a little perspective again and will probably help us through the rest of the time. Rebecca got an email from a friend who's family member just gave birth to a preemie. His name is Gavin and he was born this week at 29 weeks and weighed 1 pound. From what I understand, his parents read this blog and have been rooting for Thomas as they've led up to their own miracle event, so I hope they don't mind if I paste their story into this blog so that you can add Gavin to your prayers. Rebecca and I both read this today and we each found it somewhat hard to get through, because Gavin is walking a similar path to Thomas. We are very happy Gavin is doing so well and hopefully will find his journey as easy and successful as Thomas has. The trip down memory lane was a little tough, but worthwhile. I apologize to his parents if they are blogging this, I don't mean to steal their thunder (I'm just using you to make it appear that I've written alot in my blog). So without further ado, the story of Gavin:

Hello Friends & Family,

First and foremost, we’re pleased to announce that on May 22nd at 10:51am, Gavin Michael Baldwin proclaimed himself to the world…well, the best he could weighing in at whopping 1 pound (which is 460grams or 16ounces) and 10.5inches long! He was 29weeks and 1 day into the gestation period; other words, he was 7months into the pregnancy….so 2.5months early. He’s redefined the term, “lil oompa loompa”…and referred to as a “micro-preemie.”

Gavin staked claim to a corner spot in the neonatal unit (NICU) of St. Vincent Hospital and will likely remain there for two to three months. He’s in stable condition, which is a “relative” term for a dude his size…his condition could turn for the better or worse in a matter of minutes, but he’s a very determined little boy so we’re confident his resilience and determination will trump his obstacles. In terms of his immediate prognosis:

· The doctors are merely working to stabilize his respiratory and digestive systems before they get too aggressive with fattening him up.

o Respiratory: Miraculously, he’s breathing 86-94% room oxygen without the assistance of a respirator! As a back-up, in case he gets too tired to breathe or forgets, there is oxygen running through tiny prongs in his nose.

o Digestive: This is Gavin’s biggest obstacle. Admittedly, if our little tyke could just muster out a good “poop”, then we’d all take a long sigh of relief. J His stomach is tolerating the small amounts of milk he’s receiving (about 1 teaspoon every 4 hours via drip system); however, his bowels aren’t “working it through”…so he’s starting to back-up in his intestines. L Unfortunately, the doctors can’t increase his (much needed) milk supply until his bowels comply. For those throwing out prayers, please ask the good Lord for a solid poop deposit in the coming days!

· Gavin was born with three layers of skin vs. the seven layers of a “mature” infant, so his skin dries out and bruises EXTREMELY quickly….to combat that; he’s greased up with an industrial strength lotion J and wrapped in commercial-grade plastic wrap…much like you’d wrap up a burrito! It’s counter-intuitive and scary to see an infant wrapped in plastic (try being Danielle and me), but seriously folks, it’s helping to save his life by protecting and nourishing his skin (the body’s biggest organ.) Anyhow, don’t be alarmed by the pictures.

· To combat jaundice, he’s “fake-baking” under ultra-violet light 24hours a day and wears little glasses to protect his eyes. The nurses are diggin’ his couture “preemie-Prada’s” – see attached pic.

· Like all severely growth restricted babies, another concern is blood pooling on Gavin’s brain. Once again, he overcame an obstacle as yesterday’s brain scans showed zero signs of blood! He will likely have 2 or 3 more of these scans as he progresses along….

Bottom line, Danielle and I are praying for solid, boring days as they relate to Gavin. We’re living and surviving by the pseudo-mantra, “No news is good news.” Gavin just needs to breathe, sleep, eat and poop……that’s his only mission. Thank you to all those that have reached out and embraced us and our little boy! Many of you are already aware of the “back-story” that took place last Thursday/Friday, which ultimately led to Gavin’s birth; however, for those that aren’t fully looped in….I plan to send out a follow-up email detailing it.

Thanks again for the love and support…and keep those prayers coming!

Mike, Danielle & Gavin

From: Baldwin, Danielle
Sent: Friday, May 08, 2009 3:52 PM

Subject: Gavin Update

Hello Friends & Family,

It’s now been 8 weeks since Black Friday, the day we learned Gavin was not progressing at a “normal” rate and was in serious jeopardy. Two months later…two months longer than the doctors thought feasible. You can’t help but rejoice and find solace in that statement. J We remain seated, firmly buckled, with our hands tightly entwined and bearing determination on our faces as the next roller coaster ride departs; Gavin’s journey is far from over.

Today we had our bi-monthly ultrasound appointment, followed by a routine doctor visit. The ultrasound and appointment went pretty much as predicted. Not a lot of change, aside from Gavin growing another +100 grams. His weight is now roughly 380grams or 13ounces (500grams = 1 pound.) He should be roughly 900grams (or 1 and 2/3 pounds.) He’s consistently grown 100grams the last two ultrasounds (so every 3.5 weeks he pads on another hundred.) Not good, but then again, not terrible. At this rate, he’ll be 1 pound at 30 weeks (most babies would weigh 3 pounds.) They also measured the amount of amniotic fluid, which remains sufficient and adequate. To review, the presence of ample fluid validates that it’s properly running through Gavin’s digestive tract (it’s also vital in developing his respiratory system.) They checked his heart, which was strongly beating at 156bpm; they checked his brain growth, which appeared normal…and lastly, the fun part: they checked him using a 3-D ultrasound scanner, which allowed us to really see him close up in color! Very cool. He was sleeping and tucked up comfortably….appearing very angelic and handsome!

Our plan is to revisit the doctor in 3 more weeks (that’ll be 30 weeks) and get another ultrasound and weight measurement. If he’s at the 1 pound mark or better, then they’ll start moving us to a delivery schedule (if that’s the best course of action.) They can better pump him up outside the womb…and obviously he can be monitored better. There’s not much we can do, but remain hopeful and positive. It’s completely out of our hands….and admittedly, there’s even comfort in knowing that.

Thank you again for all your warm, encouraging thoughts and prayers. The outreach has been phenomenal; and honestly folks, we couldn’t do this journey without your support…so thank you for jumping into our roller coaster and following along with us!

Hugs to each of you.

Mike and Dani

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Baldwin, Danielle
Sent: Thursday, April 23, 2009 5:39 PM
Subject: FW: Gavin Update

Hello family and friends,

Well, it’s been 6 weeks (March 13th) since we learned that Gavin was not developing correctly...and that we had a long road ahead of us. We've had more ups & downs on our emotional roller coaster than we signed up for; and unfortunately, we won’t be getting off any time soon. (Ha, I heard once why roller coasters only last 60 seconds: Most folks can only go up and down so many times, then they want off.) Alas, we will continue to stay seated and ride out our journey since our little Gavin has once again proven to be a fighter!

We had our 2 week ultrasound today, which validated our hopes & wishes that Gavin is a hearty fighter and defies the medical journals. He's floating around in sufficient amounts of amniotic fluid, which means it's circulating through his system correctly. His heart rate continues to be strong and the inner-workings of his heart look good. He even had the hiccups during the ultrasound! The hiccups are a good sign as it shows he is practicing his breathing and his digestive system is developing correctly. At one point during the ultrasound, Gavin even stuck his tongue out at us – you gotta love that defiant attitude! Gavin continues to make us smile through all this grief and hardship.

For those that have encountered regular (and extended) visits in the medical world, know that relationships with office staff, technicians and nurses can develop pretty quickly. We have found comfort in one particular ultrasound technician; she provides us solace during our appointments, telling us exactly what she is looking at...and explains what it all means. There is a reason for this story: Today was not a day that Gavin was to be measured, but since she knew our situation, she did a measurement (w/o the doctor knowing) - he has indeed grown and packed on some grams since his last visit (two weeks ago.) He continues to fight given his environment...and we love him for it!

During today’s visit, we also met with a neonatologist about the second half of our journey. He gave us an overview of what to expect given how small Gavin will be when he enters the world. (To put Gavin's size into perspective: he’s currently just over 300 grams; there are 500 grams in 1 pound...and he should be slightly over 1 pound by now.) Our goal is to get Gavin to +500 grams and pass 28 weeks....at that point, he could (in theory) sustain life outside the womb and reside in neonatal care. At this time, we do not have definitive dates on when the doctors could deliver him, since it's so dependent upon his weight gain. We need to get Gavin to at least 1 pound and the doctors will go from there. He will be 25 weeks on Sunday.

We have a long journey ahead of us...and need all your prayers. Please pray for Gavin to continue to fight and grow! Thank you! We know there is only One person that knows Gavin's future and that is our heavenly Father; and without that comfort, I don’t know how Mike and I could continue through this journey. Our lives are truly in His hands. My best childhood friend (thanks Amy) sent me a verse that I'd like to share:

“You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.’

Psalm 139: 13 & 16

Thank you ALL again for your love, prayers and support through this tenuous journey; it has truly touched us in so many ways!

Hugs to each of you.

Mike and Dani

From: Baldwin, Danielle
Sent: Monday, April 13, 2009 8:40 AM
Subject: Gavin Update

Hello to all our friends and family~

As most of you know, we had another ultrasound on Thursday to see how our little Gavin is developing. In a nut shell, he is doing OK given his prognosis. He still has lots of amniotic fluid (which is vital) and he was kicking and squirming around like any active little boy. They did an intense study on his heart; he has a nice strong heart beat and all his valves and chambers are normal. All his other major organs looked fine and healthy. They also measured Gavin for weight and size - he did grow 2wks in the 3.5wks from his last measurement. Yes, he grew…but not at the rate the doctors had hoped or where he ought to be on the “charts.” Bottom line, aside from being very small, he’s developing. The doctors are very concerned with his neurological development due to potential lack of oxygen (from low blood nourishment), which obviously really scares us.

After the ultrasound, we met with our doctor. She explained the tenuous, delicate bubble that Galvin’s walking on….and that she’s very pessimistic about his development and survival. On the flip side, she or any of her colleagues can’t explain what’s wrong with the pregnancy, what’s wrong with Gavin or why he’s defying “textbook” methodology….so their uncertainty is both frustrating and scary.

Our plan for Gavin is to follow the course that we have been on…for us, as long as he continues to fight so will we! At this point we are scheduled for ultrasounds every two weeks. If Gavin can continue to keep doing what he is doing…and get to 30-32 weeks (he was 23wks on Sunday) then at that point the doctors will monitor him very closely and likely take him by c-section. Some babies in this situation are better outside the womb then inside at this point in the pregnancy because they can do so much more for the baby (i.e. steroids and better nourishment.) Of course if he can make it to this point he will be in neonatal care for many weeks. From there, we’ll hopefully discover how ‘sick’ (handicapped) he may/may not be…

Mike and I are literally taking it day by day, as we do not know what tomorrow may bring. Yes, Gavin could leave us at any time, his situation is very critical but we pray that God has given us a fighter! We need prayers from each one of you…and believe me Mike and I have felt them. Thank you all so much for reaching out to us; we couldn’t ask for a better “safety net” that you’ve all provided to us over the last few weeks!

Hugs to each of you.

Mike and Dani

From: Baldwin, Danielle
Sent: Wednesday, March 25, 2009 10:56 AM
Subject: Gavin Update

Hello Everyone,

We wanted to send everyone an update on our little Gavin.

First, we want to thank you all for the prayers and comfort that you have all showered upon us. It has truly helped Mike and I get through the past 10 days of uncertainty.

We had an ultrasound yesterday afternoon; and afterwards, we met with the doctor about all the test results...and where we go from here. The ultrasound was positive news – Gavin has a good amount of amniotic fluid and was moving around like a good little boy – we even got to see him yawn! The test results from the amniocentesis were all normal or negative for infection and chromosome deficiencies. Our doctor said she was stumped and was not expecting these positive results. So what now? Well, unfortunately we still have a long road ahead of us. They did not measure Gavin’s growth as it was too soon to get an accurate reading. We go back in two weeks for another ultrasound. So once again we are in a ‘waiting’ period. If we can keep the amniotic fluid where it needs to be and he continues to grow and fight, then he's in the safe zone. It’s all about getting through every day and every week – we are only half way there.

We continue to need everyone’s prayers as we aren’t out of the woods by any means; and unfortunately, we may never be.

We will continue to give you all updates on Gavin as we continue through this journey.

Hugs to each of you

Mike and Dani

From: Baldwin, Danielle
Sent: Thursday, March 19, 2009 1:45 PM
Subject: Update

To our dearest friends and family

Mike and I wanted first and foremost thank you all for the prayers, cards, flowers, food that you have showered us with. We have truly felt the love and comfort from all of you these past few days. We are so thankful to each and every one of you.

As most of you know, our world came to a halt on Friday when we went in for our 18 week ultrasound. Our biggest concern was not finding out the sex of the baby - we didn’t care what we were having, we just wanted a healthy baby and a nice surprise at the end of all this. Like most nightmares, it all just started to unravel before our eyes. The only things I truly remember: the ultrasound tech questioning my weeks; the doctor telling us that something was wrong with the baby...that our baby was not going to survive. The next thing I know, I’m having an amniocentesis to help find out what is going on with the baby. Mike and I walked out of the doctor’s office Friday in complete shock not knowing which way was up. Now that some time has passed, we discovered our baby has IUGR – Intrauterine Growth Restriction. On Tuesday, we learned the first round of test results relating to chromosone deficiencies were normal. We took those results as a big positive. We still have a couple more tests to come back, but won’t learn those results until next week. We are currently in a "waiting" period...waiting for the complete amnio tests, and I guess to see if anything changes or develops with the baby; we're still in a very critical stage. We are scheduled for another ultrasound next week.

During the amniocentesis, I desperately wanted know the sex of our child...since the surprise was no longer going to happen. We learned that it was a boy; we named him Gavin.

Please continue to keep us in your prayers. We believe in the power of prayer and know (and appreciate) that GOD is ultimately in control of Gavin's well-being.

Thank you all again; we truly have the best friends and family and feel the love from all of you!

Mike and Dani

No Sleep, no problem

2009-05-24T20:31:00.002-05:00

Thomas is hanging out with Rebecca as I type this, fighting off sleep. He's been fighting sleep for several days now it seems. He prefers to take little cat naps as opposed to a full-on sleep. So basically he was up til 5:30 this morning and has been dosing in short bursts for the most part. He just doesn't want to miss what's going on I guess. As long as he has his pacifier, all is well.

We are now totally ventilator free and taking milk through the feeding tube. So he seems very happy. He does have an issue. He's got an Hemangioma on his backside. A hemangioma is a benign growth that consists of small blood vessels. Its not dangerous and is kind of like a birth mark. An ulcer has developed on the hemangioma, not sure what that means or if its causing any discomfort, so we'll see.

Its kind of rocking in here tonight. Thomas is still in D, which is the room where he started on his NICU adventure back in January. There are several new borns in here and their parents are here as well. So its quite hectic and crowded. As always, Rebecca is observing and eavesdropping. I'm minding my own business, but occasionally I hear some things. Always interesting seeing new parents dealing with the NICU and their babies for the first time. All of the newborns seem to be very healthy and close to the same size as Thomas is now. Its nice because none of the parents seem too apprehensive. There's more joy and excitement. There's one particular family that is very enthusiastic. Not one inside voice among them though. They are very irritaining. Sadly I did not bring the digital recorder, so you'll just have to trust me that you too would be entertained.

Multi tasking, my new way of life

2009-05-23T13:40:00.003-05:00

I'm a simple guy, laid back, potentially lazy by nature. This whole responsibility, maturity thing totally sucks. I'd certainly be in favor of going back in time to when I sat around all afternoon and watched cartoons and maybe went and played soccer or rode my bike, if I felt like it. You know, where ever the wind took me. Now my time is no longer my own, the to-do list never seems to shrink and I always feel like I'm double booked...and Thomas isn't even home yet. I mention all this in a thinly veiled attempt to draw pity and to let you know that I'm writing this blog in the NICU while Rebecca holds Thomas. Multi tasking is the norm for me these days, but to be honest, I still ride my bike and play soccer a good bit, not to mention swim, volleyball and run. I'd still gladly accept any pity you'd like to cast my way.

Thomas is still in recovery mode from surgery. They finally got him extubated yesterday and he's on nasal canula, maybe til tomorrow. He's back in his crib and wearing clothes again (sorry ladies, the gun show is over). And they've started feeding him through the tube. He'd lost a little weight, so he's just under 6 pounds.

Rebecca is holding Thomas right now, for the first time since Tuesday. She's fully recovered from her cold and appears to be very happy. Thomas appears to be passed out. He's been asleep most of the day after having been awake most of yesterday. Sleep patterns have not exactly been established.

We've almost completed the nursery, a few more hand prints still need to be painted, so please get your traces in if you haven't yet. If we can find a camera, we'll send pictures of the finished product.

Post Op

2009-05-21T00:47:00.002-05:00

Thomas is recovering well. They are keeping him on the ventilator one more night, but will take him off tomorrow. Its probably skewed by the IV fluids, but right now he weighs 6 pounds, 3 ounces. Sadly, mom is not recovering as well. She has a cold and is laid up wishing there was a team of nurses taking care of her, or at least one. Since I'm out of town, I'm failing miserably as a husband and a nurse.

Hopefully we will begin the feeding frenzy anew, in a day or two. Hey, that rhymes!

Deja Vu all over agian

2009-05-19T16:32:00.003-05:00

Here I am again, sitting in the waiting room with Rebecca, waiting for Thomas to come up from Surgery. It gave me time to think up alternate titles for the blog. Here they are:

Sixth time is the charm

If its Tuesday, it must be surgery day

Why is it that nothing good ends up happening when I'm laying in my bed without any clothes on

I guess a little explaining would make these titles make sense. Or I could move on and wonder why anyone would want to watch a show like House while sitting in a hospital waiting room. Kind of like making the in flight movie "Concorde 79". But yet here I sit, and the show is on. Anyway, back to the titles and explanations:

Sixth time is the charm: This one is fairly easy. This is Thomas' sixth surgery. Pretty crazy when you think about it. We're definitely not used to it, but I don't know if its hitting quite the same as the last couple times. The first surgeries were all about survival, so there wasn't much to consider or think about. The next ones came after we'd gotten really attached to Thomas and it was a little more scary and real, if that makes sense. This one is hopefully a means to an end, getting him home. They say this procedure is no big deal, so we were not nervous really walking into this one. Still didn't want Thomas to go through it, but we were cool, calm and collected.

***Spoiler Alert***
Since I'm trying to write this real time, the doctor just came in and told us that everything went well. So if you're reading this, then you already know how things turn out. Don't spoil it for everyone else. And now back to your regularly scheduled programming.

If its Tuesday, it must be Surgery Day: Just a bunch of surgeries going on today. Three in Thomas' room alone. Based on the headcount, that's 50% of the population, but then again, maybe his room is throwing off the curve. It gave me pause to think what kind of lifestyle it must be for a surgeon, bouncing from procedure to procedure, where some one's life is in your hands. It must be very exhilarating, but then again, its probably somewhat common place for them after a while. I know I got that way when I worked at Wendy's in high school. It stopped even looking like food to me. Probably not the best comparison, but there's a correlation there somewhere (yes, I just compared surgery to making a double with cheese and I'm going to stand by it).

Why is it that nothing good ends up happening when I'm laying in my bed without any clothes on: Maybe I'll just leave this one unexplained...

Well no, I won't. Prepping for surgery in the NICU involves starving Thomas, which he really didn't care for, putting lines into both arms for IV drips, which he really, really doesn't care for, and just hanging out in a diaper for easier access I guess. Since he's been wearing clothes for a few weeks, it was weird seeing him hang out shirtless.

I guess I should tell you what the surgery is for. Thomas has 2 hernias in his lower abdomen. They are about the size of golf balls now, so they are probably uncomfortable, I'm guessing. Way too many sit ups and crunches. The doctor (Dr. Hermann for those tracking with their Baylor playing cards) has decided to go ahead and repair both at the same time. The hope is that this may help with Thomas' feeding. We'll see.

Since I'm blogging away and I told you the outcome of the surgery (its in the spoiler alert above, if you didn't read it) and we're waiting to go see Thomas, I will throw in another addition of Mike's Observation Corner. While we were waiting with Thomas to go down for surgery, Rebecca revealed something that I hadn't noticed before. Thomas' ear lobes are attached to his head, as are Rebecca's. Mine are not. Rebecca's dad's are not, but her mom's are. I have determined that this is the Calhoun curse (Me Ann's maiden name. I'm waiting on confirmation of ear lobe attachment/detachment from Leigh and Uncle Bill). This horrible affliction may haunt Thomas forever. Probably not, since I had never noticed Rebecca's ear lobes. She has either kept it hidden all these years through the clever use of hair, shadows and positioning, or I'm just not that observant (ironic since its my "observation" corner). Either way I feel tricked. :)

Weekend clean up

2009-05-17T11:53:00.002-05:00

Sunday morning and I made an early morning milk delivery for Thomas' 8 am feeding. Since Wednesday, feedings for Thomas have been up and down. He was struggling with it most of Thursday and Friday, but yesterday was a bit better. They've switched from the original formula combined with milk to Ellicare combined with milk, which Thomas seems to be taking better. Part of the issue may be that Thomas has a diaper rash. That combined with the hernias and the potential for acid reflux may be making things uncomfortable all the way around for him.

The other issue is that Thomas is a little A.D.D. I do not in any way mean that in the literal sense. Thomas doesn't have any disorder. He's a new born boy that easily gets distracted, especially in the NICU unit that he's in now. Most of the babies in there are similar to Thomas in that they are on there way out the door or resolving an issue to be out the door. A great many of them are also feeding from the bottle, so there is always activity and noise and things to turn your head towards. Thomas is also working on his communication skills. Right now he appears to be on the chapter pertaining to using your hands to gesture, because they are always flying about akimbo.

Swaddling helps the arm issue temporarily, but Thomas looks alot like Harry Houdini working his way out of straight jacket. He can almost always work one hand loose and, more times than not, both. Just a matter of time. To his credit, he does not get frustrated by this process, just keeps at it.

Anyway, the long and the short of it, is we haven't found the right combination to get him to take his bottle every time. He seems to be doing bette rthough. He's still gaining weight though, 5 pounds, 11 ounces and he seems to be filling in. His legs are starting to get a little chunky.

And now its time for another installment of Mike's Observation Corner. In today's corner, I'll be observing myself. I've noticed that any time anyone asks about Thomas, I tend to give a vague answer, that he's fine, things are going well. Its not for the reason that some might think. Its not that I don't want to talk about Thomas, quite the opposite. Its actually that I don't want to spoil the blog. If there's something interesting that I plan to write on the blog, I find myself subconsciously holding back information so that I don't scoop myself. I think that's a little weird and I'm working on not being so secretive.

Eviction Notice?

2009-05-13T16:38:00.002-05:00

Everyone seems to want Thomas to go home. Rebecca really wants Thomas to go home. The nurses would like Thomas to go home. The insurance company seems especially anxious for Thomas to go home. Thomas appears to be fairly bored with the limited scenery in his current surroundings.

How are we going to get across that finish line? Well its all about the feeding. Today, Rebecca met with the occupational therapist and the pediatric doctor who will be taking care of Thomas, post NICU. They tested Thomas' swallow capability this morning, which is done by giving him a syrup like substance with dye in it, and then they x ray it as he takes it from a bottle. Of course during this test, Thomas was more than willing to take the bottle and gobbled down 20 ccs. Unlike his normal feedings. The results were very good. He has a very strong swallowing mechanism.

The strongest possibility that is left is acid reflux, which is very common when you have a ventilation tube down your throat for an extended period of time. They are putting him on Prilosec to see how that does through next week. Depending on what happens, they may postpone the hernia surgery. The reason being, if the Prilosec does not work, they will insert a G tube into his stomach and they would like to do that at the same time as the hernia.

The G tube would be used to feed Thomas at night whatever he doesn't eat during the day, when he comes home. Basically, one way or another, Thomas will be home in a couple weeks. This part of the journey is almost over. There would be an added bonus of the G tube, although we'd like Thomas to get fully comfortable and at ease with the bottle, the G tube would be used at night to feed Thomas. So, no night feedings! I jinxed us on purpose by telling you this so that Thomas gets better sooner.

One other note. Rebecca met the pediatric doctor Monday. When she did, he told her that he had never had a boy who was born under 500 grams. Thomas would be the first. When she told me that, I thought it was weird and quietly wondered if maybe we had an inexperienced doctor or something. I knew this wasn't true and Thomas' nurse told us how great he is. Today, Rebecca found out from the occupational therapist that the reason why the doctor had not taken care of a boy who was born less than 500 grams is that very few boys that weigh that little survive. She told Rebecca that Thomas was a miracle. I don't really like that sort of description. I think it puts a little undue pressure on him to really make a difference or be special. Maybe say that the situation was miraculous and we're all just along for the ride.

I'm just not that hungry

2009-05-13T09:21:00.002-05:00

Quick update. After really good initial strides feeding, Thomas has become less and less interested in taking the bottle over the past few days. He's only taken a portion of the milk each time, if at all. Fortunately, they do not choose to wait him out. If he doesn't want to eat, they give it to him through the feeding tube. We're not sure what's going on. He seems to want to eat, but the act of eating is either making him tired or uncomfortable. Possibly from being on ventilation for so long. The doctor and the occupational therapist are putting their heads together to figure out what is going on. I'll let you know.

They've scheduled his hernia surgery for Tuesday.

That's all for now.

We're real parents now, or...

2009-05-11T22:24:00.002-05:00

How Rebecca almost failed discharge class...

Provocative title, no? So Rebecca and I are taking the last steps toward bringing Thomas home. One of those steps was this morning, the dreaded and feared baby CPR and Discharge class. I wasn't really sure what we were going to cover exactly in 2 hours that would properly prepare us to be qualified to be parents. I remember taking CPR years ago and it taking many hours, so I was a little skeptical that we would be taught enough to really be effective, especially in an hour.

Class started at 10, of course society's rules and timelines don't apply to super parents like Rebecca and me. We were approaching the hospital from 2 different directions, Rebecca fitting this class into her work schedule. At 5 til 10, we were on the phone to each other, telling the other that we might be late and to get started without the other. At 10:15, we both arrived in the parking lot. At 10:20, we were met at the reception desk by the CPR instructor and escorted to the class room, where 5 other people and 7 plastic CPR babies were waiting patiently. Very good start.

The approach to cramming 8 hours of CPR knowledge into 1 is fairly sound. They don't ask you to memorize anything. They have a very simple step by step sheet that they want you to keep with you to refer to in a time of need. The specific instruction is to actually thumb tack the sheet to the wall in the nursery. I'm not sure the instructor understands or cares about nursery decoration and presentation. Given the wide audience that goes through the course, its taken to a very basic level. Since I'd taken CPR before, I knew what was going on and was sitting back thinking how easy this is. To get us all involved, the instructor had each of us read a step title or description. I went first, nailed it, perfect diction. Then Rebecca's turn. We're going to be the star couple, parents of the year, they're going to totally forget that we made the whole class late. Then Rebecca reads the wrong step, then tries to correct herself and reads another wrong step. Crushing defeat. Rebecca was lost after step 1. Actually, she got a little confused with the layout of the sheet, but it cracked me up.

That's ok, we can rally. As we were reading the steps, we also were practicing with our CPR babies. Rebecca, all dressed up for work, was wearing lipstick. This made the baby look like it had very haphazardly applied lipstick. I made a very humorous observation to Rebecca, which made her laugh, which in turn drew a disapproving stare from the instructor. Strike 3! As it turns out, there was no test, just a couple run throughs and our xerox copies.

The second part of the class, the discharge, was also fairly innocuous. I guess the hospital is in an awkward position. They can't really tell you what to do, they can only suggest and recommend. Once you leave the hospital, you're left to your own devices. So there was a lot of that, general advice and non-specific instructions. I think I was really looking for more of a "these are the steps you will take to leave, this is what you can expect in the first 24 hours, the first week, etc." I know every baby is different, but there is a commonality that I would think should be pretty standard by now. In consulting, every business that we deal with claims ultimate uniqueness. There are always a set of core processes that can be identified. Then you're left with quirks and nuances that are much easier to deal with in isolation. Anyway, that's the way I'd do it, but nobody likes a know-it-all consultant.

In the end, there was no gauge of our comprehension or our ability to parent. Not even a certificate I can frame for my wall. Despite Rebecca's attempts to get us disqualified, we were all given the thumbs up and a notation was made in Thomas' medical chart. You'll just all have to check back in 18 years to see whether the hospital made the right choice or not.

First Mother's Day!

2009-05-10T23:48:00.003-05:00

Another crazy week, started out slow while I was out of town Tuesday thru Thursday (not much to write about), but just non-stop since then. Friday was all about getting ready for and executing the hand print party, Saturday, Rebecca's parents came into town and we spent the day with grandparent quality time for Thomas and Nursery prep. Today was Rebecca's first mother's day and I did all of the things you're supposed to do as a husband and father; I slept in, watched golf and basketball and then went drinking with the guys.

Thomas has made amazing strides in the last 3 days. He drank 50 ccs from the bottle the last 4 times today. So he's taking from the bottle more than from the feeding tube. He's completely off TPNs and Lipids and they've removed the central line from his chest. They're also only monitoring his breathing and heart beat now, and there is talk of moving off of all monitoring (still something we're a little uneasy about, but they know best).

So clearly all of this is leading to something, I just can't place my finger on what it could be. Well hopefully they will give me a hint when we go to our discharge class tomorrow (I think that will give me some decent material for a blog, but we'll see).

It is late, so I will make up for this abbreviated blog, and the lack of updates, with many forced jokes and run on sentences tomorrow. Until then, here's a video of Thomas staring intently at the camera, or is he looking into your soul?

Happy Mother's Day, to Rebecca, my mom, Rebecca's mom, my sister, Jennifer, Aunt Susan, Dede, Cynthia, Leigh Ann, Pat...and every other mother who might be reading this.

Three Days, Three Updates

2009-05-05T16:51:00.006-05:00

It was a very busy weekend all the way around. Today I will cover the events of Saturday, Sunday and Monday. I'm in Belton and forgot to load the pictures onto my laptop, so there will be no pictures at this time, you'll just have to use your imagination, consider it a theater of the mind.

Lower the lights,
Cue the orchestra,
Draw the Curtain:

Act 1: A Birthday and a Wedding.

Saturday was the big 4 months for Thomas. Really crazy to think that he has been in the hospital for 4 months. I really cannot get my head around that. Just doesn't feel like it, but it feels like forever all at the same time. Happy Birthday Thomas!

As I mentioned before (although not quite enough for Leigh's liking), Rebecca's sister got married Saturday. It was a day of hectic activity for Rebecca and her mom. I wisely snuck away and did a race. I found myself to be not as focused and thought about Thomas, especially during the swim when I realized I wasn't in that great of shape ("Didn't get to train as much as I wanted" goes on Thomas' list). Although there were many phone calls to Thomas' nurses, including at least one at the reception, we both were able to relax and step out of our current responsibilities and pressures for a while. Of course there were many people that came up to us during the weekend to inquire and wish Thomas well. Its always really cool and uplifting to hear that people are following Thomas through this blog, especially when its someone that I may not have met before. So it was a really nice evening for both of us...oh , and Leigh got married and wore ivory. (It was a really wonderful ceremony and reception and Thomas got a new uncle, which he's totally stoked about)

Act 2: Revolving Door at the NICU

Sunday was a big caravan back to Dallas for Rebecca and I, my parents and Leigh and Carlton, who were flying out of Dallas for their honeymoon. So when we got to Dallas, we all headed to the hospital. Where over about 3 hour period Thomas was visited by 3 ghosts, wait, no, different story. Thomas was visited by mom and dad, nana and papa and Aunt Wee and Uncle CaCa. Those aren't official names, I'm just trying them out here to see how they read. I'm going to take this opportunity to bring in a guest author, Thomas' mom. Rebecca has been hesitant to jump on this blog since I'm so eloquent with my wordy phrases and stuff, but she happened to respond to some one's email today and I thought it was a nice summary of the weekend, so I'm going to cut and paste it here. Please enjoy Rebecca's debut:

"Hi Laurie,

It's ALWAYS good to hear from you. I enjoy everything you write. The wedding was absolutely wonderful and everything went according to plan. Thank you for asking. We were definitely able to enjoy ourselves since Thomas was doing so well and our favorite nurse, "Aunt" Tina, was there Friday and Saturday to take care of him. Fortunately, he did not give us the silent treatment upon our return. He greeted us with smiles and a poopie diaper for my sister while she held him. Carlton, my sister's husband got to see Thomas for the first time Sunday night. My sister cried because Thomas looks like a baby that you would take home from the hospital (size wise). She loves his little hands. I sent the pics of Thomas from the past week to you and pics from Leigh's, my sister, Rehearsal Dinner and Wedding. That way you could see her white gown! Hope you are doing well.

Love,
Rebecca :)"

Act 3: Public Awkwardness

Monday evening, it was finally just Rebecca and I after a whirlwind weekend. We went up to the hospital and Thomas was looking as cute as ever. I will dance around this and get to the point as best I can. There are things you do in the privacy of your own home that in the NICU you're not afforded the same alone time. I think I've mentioned before that a NICU has all of the solitude and privacy of Melrose Place (its an old tv show reference, look it up, you'll think I'm funny). Everybody is all up in everybody's business. So there are things that happen that a mother is required to do. You basically have to deal with all that sort of thing cribside. There's no private room. All you get is a folding screen, a blanket and strategic positioning of your chair. Rebecca is very shy and modest and I'm not much different. I will just say, she was not really excited about this, hated it actually. Rebecca wasn't into it and really, neither was Thomas. In typical manliness, I pulled out my MP3 player and went to my happy place. I share this in the interest of giving you all the full experience.

And Scene

Update on Thomas, he's at 5 pounds, 7 ounces. They're adding some stuff to his milk with extra calories (kind of like muscle milk if I can make another training parallel). It also makes the milk a little thicker, like a milkshake. It seems to be working a little better. He's able to drink a little better. They are still taking turns with the bottle and the feeding line.

A good start, but...

2009-05-04T11:19:00.006-05:00

OK, it looks like we’re in the home stretch, so we’re going to have a second hand print party this Friday, May 8th. Same deal as last time, doors open at 6pm. We will provide hors devoirs and drinks, you will provide a hand. Even if you’ve already put your hand on the wall, please feel free to come by and have a drink. This may be the last time anyone sees us for a while.

If you can’t make it, or are not in within a reasonable driving distance, please send us a trace of your hand. Even if you don’t necessarily know Rebecca and me that well, but you do feel like you know Thomas, we really would love you to participate.

We’d love to see each of you there, but if you can say no to this face, I completely understand.

The address is:
6715 Inverness Lane
Dallas, TX
75214
214-370-0292

Absentee Parents

2009-05-01T16:52:00.003-05:00

Rebecca and I have abandoned our son because her sister is so self-centered that she insisted that we go to Shreveport, shower her with gifts and tell her how great she looks in white (I’m assuming she chose white, but she is a little weird, so it could be purple. I’ll let you know after she walks down the aisle). Leigh is getting married tomorrow. Rebecca left yesterday and my parents and I have just left Thomas and our on our way.

We visited Thomas last night and this morning. Last night, my mom and I attempted to feed Thomas, with limited success. In bottle feeding Thomas, they have been going back and forth on which size nipple to use. When he uses a normal size nipple, it gives him more milk than he can handle, so some of it doesn’t make it to its intended destination (his stomach), lots of dribbling and spillage. So they tried a smaller nipple, which does not dispense as much, but Thomas has to work harder to feed. This wears him out a lot.

My mom initially tried to feed Thomas last night and Thomas basically sat there with the nipple in his mouth, not doing anything but smiling occasionally. Clearly he was amused at My mom, the nurse and I trying to coax him to eat. I took over without much more success. Thomas was so tired that, despite the fact that he was sitting straight up, he fell asleep with the nipple in his mouth. I couldn’t wake him at all. I am convinced that he does better with the regular nipple and that much like his dad, he’s just a sloppy eater.

We went by today before we went out of town and the nurse said he’d done a little better with the larger nipple, but an occupational therapist is going to come in at 2 to feed him and I guess determine what kind of career he’s going to have? Seems a little early for that sort conversation, but I’m not the expert here. My money’s on either fireman or a truck.

Oh Crap!

2009-04-30T00:38:00.004-05:00

That's what I thought tonight when the nurse said that Thomas could come home as soon as a week. This probably isn't the case and we've gotten lots of different answers to that question, but as I was sitting there holding Thomas, I got more than a little overwhelmed at the prospect of becoming a full time dad. Not that I don't want Thomas at home, but the reality of the moment, the idea that a team of nurses and a wall of sensors would all of a sudden just disappear and Rebecca and I would be left to our own devices with only the internet to guide us...man, I'm not sure I'm ready. And despite 4 months of just hanging out, without a care in the world, I haven't managed to get my head above water to really mentally prepare for this possibility.

I keep telling myself (and Rebecca) that we'll figure it out and to look at all of the complete knot-heads (I sincerely apologize to any knot-head that may be reading this, I'm not referring to you specifically) that manage to raise kids, that we can surely pull this off. Its amazing to me that child-rearing, an occurrence that is so common, millions of examples of it, all over the world, right now as I type this, something that has obviously gone on for centuries, well before books and classes and Barney DVDs can be so daunting and completely mysterious. You'd think someone would have figured out a way to fully prepare people for this.

So I kind of yada yada'd all of you between the last post and today. I guess its only fair to catch you up on what's been going on since Sunday when I last left you. As you may or may not recall, they took Thomas off of the ventilator Sunday. Well yesterday, they decided to give bottle feeding a try. Thomas is now free and clear of all mouth and nose related tubes. They started out with Pedialite which I got a kick out of, because I've used it before for races (it does a great job of keeping you hydrated, but its like drinking syrup). He did really well with that, so today they tried milk and he did awesome. He's getting fed 8 times a day now and getting about 10 ccs of milk each time. He's doing exceptionally well, able to drink most of it. At first, he gets a little excited and fills his mouth up and forgets to swallow and ends up spitting some out, but once he calms down, he paces himself and does real well. Tonight he was hungry for more, so the nurse is going to see if they will increase the amount.

Other positive things, Thomas is off the anti-biotics and they've stopped testing his blood gas because he's breathing so well. He also weighs 5 pounds, 5 ounces. The end appears to be drawing near, but there are some things that we know have to happen. Thomas still has to have his hernia operation and we have 2 classes that we need to take (baby cpr and hospital discharge).

Things are moving quickly. I will try to keep you up to date. Big, big day though.

So many titles...

2009-04-26T22:39:00.003-05:00

I had several ideas for a theme for today's blog, so I will do 3 mini ones.

Blog #1: FREEDOM

Thomas made a huge step today, he got extubated and spent maybe an hour on nasal canula before going to absolutely nothing. He is free as can be and sitting pretty. Hopefully you can see the video above. Thomas is exceptionally happy about only having one tube in his mouth. The one tube that is left is a replogle tube. It sucks stuff out of Thomas' stomach, while he recovers from his surgery. They are not feeding Thomas yet. He's getting the basic nutrients and minerals intravenously. Hopefully this week, they will reintroduce formula and then hopefully milk.

Blog #2: Peeping Tom('s parents)

Rebecca and I learned the ugly truth about ourselves last night. We're NICU peepers. I think I've described how tight the quarters are in the NICU, and how its tough not to hear what's going on at the next bed. But last night, we both realized we had a problem. It was very late, we'd done all the staring that we could at Thomas, we needed to go home and get some rest. Ah, but there was activity afoot. They were preparing for a new admit and so there Rebecca and I both stood, stalling, waiting to see the new baby show up. A ring side seat. Unfortunately something happened and things got delayed, so we had to go home. No show.

Blog #3: Smells like cinnamon

Rebecca thinks Thomas smells like cinnamon. That was her revelation today. I couldn't confirm this and found it a little weird.

Saturday

2009-04-25T18:25:00.002-05:00

Thomas is cruising along. He is still on the breathing tube, but they've turned down the settings and decreased the amount of morphine. We're hoping that he might get extubated in the next day or two. He really seems unhappy with the tube, which I take to be a good sign. Nothing else new. His abdomen looks good. Solid scar that looks similar to an appendix scar.

I think I will also take this opportunity to give a little insight into Rebecca and her life. This is highly controversial and I will most likely let her read it first, but to some degree, this is a public service announcement. Plus, a number of people have asked both of us how the other is doing and how the marriage is holding up. I don't think I'd be going out on a limb to say that the first year of child birth is very difficult, and although our situation is unique, we may still be in for a lot worse once Thomas comes home. That being said, I really think we're both doing very well. all things considered. We lean on each other alot and we vent to each other alot, and occasionally we snap each other. For the most part though, we do pretty well. We try to make a point of finding time to get the other to relax and take their mind off things. This blog also helps immensely. I'm not the most outgoing person, so there's things that I probably wouldn't otherwise discuss without it. I highly recommend everyone get one.

So onto the many faces of Rebecca. I love her and I wouldn't change a thing about her (of course there are many things I would change, but I'll put those in a separate blog that Rebecca can't read). I'm also pretty certain any person going through what she is would have very similar attributes. I think Rebecca has handled all of this incredibly well. She is managing being a mom, running a house, holding down a job (she is back at work until Thomas comes home) and dealing with me and my various sports-related injuries. So with out further ado: We have the interrogator, the analyzer, the worrier and the doter.

The interrogator:
Probably my favorite character. Rebecca is very good at asking the right questions and finding out exactly what is going on. If not for her, this blog would be seriously devoid of facts. "Thomas is, um, good, and they're feeding him and stuff." Just doesn't really sell, does it? But the interrogator does not seek a single source for her information. Basically anyone in scrubs is a potential victim. It matters little what their specific area of expertise is, Rebecca will pepper them with every question that is on her mind, even if she's already asked 3 other people. So a respiratory specialist better be able to answer a question regarding feeding, a nurse had better be able to provide insight on the big picture for Thomas. This is very helpful. Many parents clearly don't ask enough questions up there and I think the nurses appreciate that Rebecca takes an interest. I also think I'm an abject failure in this department. On the few occasions that I have gone up by myself, the nurses will ask if I have any questions, and I don't, mostly because Rebecca has given me as good an update as they could.

The analyzer:
Rebecca spends all of her waking time thinking about Thomas (shocking). All of the information that she gathers is taken in and processed. Out spews multiple theories and possibilities that she shares with me. The one topic that gets a ton of play is who Thomas looks like. There's always a new theory about an appendage or an expression. I think Thomas looks like Thomas. I'm no fun.

The worrier:
The first two faces of Rebecca feed the worrier in Rebecca mercilessly. Again, given the situation, it would not be sane for her not to worry, but I try to fight it and placate her as much as I can so that it doesn't eat her up. She obviously is constantly worrying about Thomas' health, his weight, his settings. She also worries about her connection to Thomas. This is her biggest and most constant worry, that somehow, Thomas will not have a connection to her because Rebeeca can't spend every waking hour with him and can't be there to always hold them, that he won't recognize her as much as the nurses. I know this isn't true and I know Thomas will be following her around, right under her foot at every step in no time.

The doter:
This is when everything else melts away for Rebecca, the moment when she walks up to Thomas' bedside and he turns his head to her and opens his eyes at the sound of her voice. Its at this point, she usually knows in her heart that everything is going to be alright. Thomas is once again declared cutest baby ever and everything that we've gone through for 4 months and that day become worth it.

Its time to go to the hospital and find another unsuspecting victi...er...nurse and find out what's going on.

Revelry

2009-04-22T22:47:00.000-05:00

Back in my favorite room, the waiting room...just...um...waiting. Its 7:45 now and we have the place to ourselves. For some reason, the temperature was set at 33 degrees in here. Miserably cold. But we'll pass this test too. Today is the big day for Thomas. He's getting put back together. We did a late night visit after I got back from Belton and got up at o-dark-thirty this morning. Thomas is looking really good.

We got to go in before his surgery and Rebecca held him. Since it was technically still the shift change hour, we were in there by ourselves and for the first time ever, no alarms were going off anywhere. All of the babies were content in the early morning hours, just sleeping away. With each surgery you get to meet the anaesthesiologist and sign their consent form and then the doctor, to also sign a consent form. More of a formality and an opportunity to ask questions than anything else. I doubt at that point they get many people not signing. Our doctor, Doctor Hermann, is the same doctor who did the original surgery. He's an excellent doctor and seems to be an even better person. Although it had been a couple months and multiple surgeries a day, he remembered Thomas and us. He has an amazing positive attitude and quizzed us on bible verses that he was reciting. Sadly, although we knew some of them, we failed miserably on book and verse.

Because Thomas is a big boy now, he got to go to the operating room. The operations before were performed right in the NICU. They loaded Thomas into the this plastic box, which I believe is a replica of the one Houdini used in his magic show to escape from. Rebecca asked a very earnest question at this point: "Can he breathe in there?" Fortunately someone had the foresight to address this and avoid what surely would have been one of the worst design flaws ever.

We settled into the aforementioned waiting room for an undetermined period of time. It took only a half hour before we got word that it was done. A little while later Dr. Hermann came up and let us know how pleased he was with the operation. He said that he wished that all his operations had gone that easy. He had to take a very small piece of the bowel out that had not developed, but overall it was a great success.

They moved Thomas back and we waited for him to get settled before we went back in. He was still partially paralyzed from the anesthesia, which was a little weird, but it wore off. He had a very glazed look and just kind of stared off into space. It will take a few days for him to get back to normal and then they'll hopefully extubate him and begin testing to see if he will feed.

As of this afternoon, he was showing signs of pain, so they upped his dosage of drugs and he's been sleeping ever since. Which is very good. I'll update tomorrow.

Pleased as Punch

2009-04-22T08:55:00.002-05:00

Just a quick note. The doctor just came in. Doctor Hermann said he was "pleased as punch". I believe that's a medical term that suggests that everything went great with Thomas' surgery. I'm doing a longer blog shortly, but just wanted to let you know.

Full Circle

2009-04-20T22:54:00.004-05:00

So much has happened. First, Thomas was moved again this weekend, back to his original room and his original spot in the room. Very weird going back there for us, knowing that we had started there almost 4 months ago. Time has flown by and taken forever. Thomas had little reaction as far as I could tell, but it was not lost on us.

His infection that got us very riled up, appears to have gotten under control and we're a go for surgery Wednesday morning.

Most important, yesterday morning, Thomas was taken off Si Pap and put on...nothing at all! Totally awesome. We really didn't expect that he would get off of ventilation completely, but he is and he's really happy.

He's breathing on his own and so far so good. Now all we need to do is get him through surgery and eating normally (not through a tube). He also got a bath today. No compromising pictures, but he hated it. I've included some bonus pics of Thomas freed from all snorkels, hood or nostril plugs.

March for Babies Recap

2009-04-18T12:32:00.010-05:00

Just got back from the March of Babies Walk. First off, thank you to everyone who donated money for this cause (There's still time to donate http://www.marchforbabies.org/melliot22). As of today you all have raised over $2,600, which is incredible and much more than I expected or could have hoped for.

Today was really great. As a first year marcher and novice, I have many observations and insights that would have enriched my experience, all of which I will try to apply next year. The walk kicked off at 9, with "registration" starting at 8. There really isn't any registration. You could just show up and walk if you wanted, or raise money and not walk at all (which only crossed my mind once or twice). There are a bunch of tents set up, for each of the corporate teams and the unaffiliated families tent. Tip #1: Hook up with a corporation. They've got the best food and coordinated t shirts. The food provided at the families tent wasn't bad, but when you see Uncle Julio's grilling up fajita meat, you get a little jealous. Tip #2: Get cool t shirts made. Obviously if your with a corporate team, they have t shirts, but alot of the families made up t shirts as well. And though my fish tank t shirt is ironic and clever (Thank you Leigh!), I didn't feel like I was really representing as well as I could have been. Tip # 3: Get other people to walk with you. Its a fun event and that's what I'll be doing next year, asking all of you to join us when we walk. We'll get cool t shirts and maybe even our own tent.

I did have a small team: myself, Tra (my little brother who was also born premature), my dad and my dog Charlie. Just 4 guys looking to party! It was a 5 mile walk down one side of White Rock Lake, very pretty, weather was perfect, a little cool, over cast with light rain once in a while. They had some little kids sing the national anthem and then you start walking. There were supposedly 30, 000 people, I lost track and interest after about 6. Some people chose to run and make a competition out of it. You know the kind. I immediately wished I had been one of them. Not that the walk was bad, I'm just not a huge fan of walking. My dad and I are both joggers and Tra is 14, so we did end up jogging some here and there, just to entertain ourselves. All along the route they had little signs with pictures of preemies. I didn't know you could do this, or how to do this, so I'm questioning my qualifications for father of the year (I'll try to make it up with toys and candy, they like that stuff).

Each one was either in honor of a preemie who was doing well or in memory of one that wasn't able to overcome the challenges that faced them. It was a very powerful enforcer for anyone who might not want to keep walking. The one thing that stuck in my head, mostly from the pictures of the babies in memory of, was the hospital blankets. They are always the same, white with footprints on them. I hadn't really thought about them til I saw them in a couple of the pics along the route. They are usually a little rough from constant washing, and I think I'll be happy not to see that blanket anymore.

The rain held off til we finished, grabbed something to eat and got out of there. All in all, it was a really good day. I'm very happy I chose to do it. Tra was really excited to participate and Charlie is worn out.

Thanks again to everybody!

Hand Print Friday

2009-04-17T12:24:00.005-05:00

All is well. Thomas is 4 pounds 10 and a half ounces. Hope to see you tonight, 6 to 8. Lots of room on the wall.

Set Back Settling Down

2009-04-16T14:37:00.002-05:00

Quick update. It was not nothing, but things seem clearer in the light of day. They took 3 cultures yesterday, one from the line, a peripheral and one other (I should probably have Rebecca writing or at least over my shoulder for these type of updates, she's much more medically savvy. I like it when the monkey crashes his symbols together in my head.). Only one has come back positive so far. So they've honed in on the right anti-biotic hopefully. A surgeon has not looked at the central line yet to determine whether to remove it or not. Thomas is doing well. He's still on Si Pap and it'll be up to him when he can get off of it, once he regains his strength. As of right now, surgery is still on for next Wednesday. I'll update you when I learn something new or they come up some other contraption for him that I can poke fun at.

Set Back

2009-04-16T00:15:00.003-05:00

This evening, Thomas had to be put back on Si Pap and may have an infection. The central line in his chest started oozing this morning, so they took a culture and started anti-biotics. Although he seemed to be doing ok this afternoon, he started laboring this evening and they made the decision to put him back on Si Pap. We will get preliminary results in the morning from the cultures and hopefully get him on the right anti-biotic. We don't know what we're dealing with yet, so I don't really know the impact on his surgery next week.

I've tried to maintain a stance that until we know there is something to worry about, don't waste your energy worrying about it. We really don't know what we're facing, it could be nothing, but the location of the infection really bothers us. Rebecca and I have really been struggling the last week or so, a little shorter with everyone around us, even each other. We're both tired, mentally and physically, as I'm sure all new parents being. We're not unique, but we're still tired.

This was not what either of us wanted to hear and really hit Rebecca hard. She's experiencing what every mom probably has to go through at some point. Seeing your child suffer without being able to do anything about it. She has been amazingly calm and patient throughout all of this, but her strength is depleted and her faith is a little shaken. As the narrator here, I can focus on Rebecca as an interested observer, but its not significantly different for me.

This may all turn out to be nothing, and if so, I'm kind of wasting something I'd been holding on to for a while. I'm doing this specifically for Rebecca, so bare with me. A long time friend of Rebecca's wrote a note to her about Thomas not long after he was born. Whether you are religious or not, I think it has meaning, about having a positive outlook and believing that things will work out. I must apologize for cribbing someone else's writing, but hopefully she'll forgive me. I know that Rebecca will read this and her faith will be restored. (Love you)

"Rebecca, this may seem a little strange at first, in terms of the angle, but it has a point (and you know my brain was always a little “wacky” J). I couldn’t talk to you about it over the phone, because I would get too emotional. But when I learned of Thomas’ name, I was immediately inspired by the power in its meaning relative to the faith we share by way of Christian orientation, it’s the “language” we share, and I think it’s no accident you were inspired to give such a name to your little angel who does not himself embody this metaphor, in the way Biblical Thomas did, but instead conversely, and amazingly, through the power of his soul and spirit - projects in human example the purest essence and translation of God, its perseverance, its certainty of existence, and in turn, “reflects” to us in the mirror that is his eyes the very crux of the lesson inherent in the name “Doubting Thomas” --- challenging us toward faith and hope, the will to believe, even amidst uncertainty and adversity.

This article is titled “Learning Faith Through Doubting Thomas” --- I have highlighted my favorite parts that inspire me relative to the circumstance and example of your Thomas. It speaks to me about the lessons your Thomas is teaching us…your Thomas does not represent the doubt, as the Biblical Thomas did --- your Thomas is challenging doubt in favor of faith --- just like the real doubting Thomas, who in this case could be any of “us”, was able to turn his life ultimately to reflect by its example the confirmation of and certainty of God, in converting his own doubt through faith. Whatever propensity by nature our “human-ness” has for doubt or fear or worry when faced with circumstances like these…we can all be like Thomas and ultimately cling instead to faith and hope! One day there will be another article, “Learning Faith through Thomas” – it is the sequel being defined right now by your Thomas J

“Thomas is a late bloomer, I guess. A commercial fisherman, he grew up around the Sea of Galilee. Jesus came to Capernaum, calls him, and he follows. For three years Thomas follows.

Thomas's Pessimism and Courage

But Thomas is a pessimist. Some people rejoice to see a glass half full, but Thomas sees it half empty. Oh, he's full courage, but also possesses a streak of fatalism. Once, when Jesus and his disciples hear about their friend Lazarus's death near Jerusalem, the center of Jesus' opposition, Thomas comments darkly, "Yes, let's go there that we might die with him." His words are almost prophetic.

Soon, his world falls apart. Thomas sees his Master arrested in the Garden of Gethsemane and he flees for his life. On Good Friday he watches at a distance as they spike his Friend to a cross on the Roman killing grounds of Golgotha. As Jesus' life drains away, so does Thomas's hope.

Shock and Disbelief

On Saturday he is in shock. On Sunday he is so disillusioned that he doesn't gather with his fellow disciples for an evening meal. Thomas is dazed, hurt, bitter -- and lashing out. Monday morning, the disciples go looking for Thomas and tell him what has happened in his absence.

"Thomas, we were in that upper room where we'd been meeting. We lock the doors for protection. Yet, all of a sudden, Jesus appears. 'Peace, Shalom,' he says. Then he shows us his hands. There are jagged holes where the nails had been. He pulls back his tunic and shows us where the spear penetrated his chest. But he isn't weak or sick or dying. He is alive, raised from the dead!"

Afraid to Believe

"I don't believe it," barks Thomas. "I don't believe a word of it. You're seeing what you want to see. Jesus is dead. I saw him die, and part of me died with him. But he's dead, and the sooner you accept that fact, the better off you'll be. Give it up!"

Peter pleads with him. "Thomas, I saw him myself, I tell you, and he was as real as you are!"
Thomas is cold, with an edge in his voice that cuts like ice. "Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my hand into his side, I will not believe it."

But Thomas's anger cools, and by the next Sunday evening he is eating with his fellow disciples in the same locked room. Suddenly, Jesus stands among them once again and speaks -- "Shalom, peace be with you."

All the blood drains from Thomas' face. Jesus turns to him and speaks plainly, without any hint of rancor or sarcasm, "Put your finger here, see my hands." Jesus holds out his scarred hands for him to examine. Thomas recoils. Not out of fear, really, but from a mixture of amazement and revulsion.

Jesus begins to open his outer garment and says, "Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe."

My Lord and My God

Thomas is weeping now and then begins to sob out loud. Jesus reaches out and puts a hand on his shoulder. Then Thomas slips to his knees and says in awe, "My Lord and my God!"

Thomas, "Doubting Thomas," as he is sometimes called, is the first disciple to put into words the truth that Jesus is both Lord and God. "Doubting Thomas" utters the greatest confession of faith recorded anywhere in the Bible.

Jesus replies, "Because you have seen me, you have believed. Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed."

Preacher in the East

What happens to him? Doubting Thomas does not stay a doubter. When he sees the risen Jesus, all that Jesus has taught over the years now clicks in, and to his death Thomas is an outspoken advocate for his Lord.

Church tradition tells us that he preaches in ancient Babylon, near the Tigris and Euphrates Rivers, where Iraq is today. He travels to Persia, present-day Iran, and continues to win disciples to the Christian faith.

Then he sails south to Malabar on the west coast of India in 52 AD. He preaches, establishes churches, and wins to Christ high caste Brahmins, as well as others. When the Portuguese land in India in the early 1600s, they find a group of Christians there -- the Mar Thoma Church established through Thomas' preaching a millennium and a half before.

Finally, Thomas travels to the east coast of India, preaching relentlessly. He is killed near Mylapore about 72 AD, near present-day Madras. Tradition tells us that he is thrown into a pit, then pierced through with a spear thrown by a Brahmin.

He who had so fervently proclaimed his unbelief carried the Christian message of love and forgiveness to the ends of the earth in his generation.

The Doubter Speaks Today

Thomas would speak to doubters today, to those of us who have seen our hopes and dreams destroyed. Doubting Thomas would tell his story of how Jesus' life had intercepted his own. He would tell us of his fears and his doubts. And then, with a radiant, joyful face, St. Thomas, Apostle to India, would recount his joy at seeing and knowing the risen Jesus himself. "My Lord and my God!" he would say. "My Lord and my God!"

~***~

And here is another reference I found, that I thought was especially beautiful given that this person writes from the perspective of a parent:

“Before I had children, I wondered how Jesus could put up with some of the questions His disciples asked. Why didn't they get it? Now I know. I understand what it means to love unconditionally and where that patience comes from.

So I come again the the question of "Doubting" Thomas. Thomas who was ready to die for his Lord, and yet who fled in fright; Thomas who said, "God, I don't understand"; Thomas who didn't want to believe without proof. Is the title Doubting Thomas an apt one?

I see so much of myself in Thomas. I can not begin to count the number of times I've asked God to prove Himself to me because, like the father in Mark, I cry out "I believe, help my unbelief!" Is that so different from Thomas, in this very emotional time, saying he must see for himself that His Lord and Saviour has done what He said He would?

And I have proclaimed that I would follow Jesus wherever He would lead me, only to later turn aside when the going got rough, then to sheepishly return when the shepherd called my name.
And it seems that daily I am asking God to explain something that later appears to be so simple any child should have been able to grasp it, and listening and learning as He patiently does.

Doubting Thomas? You decide.

Doubting the teaching and example of your Thomas? – Not for a millisecond. J I love you! sb"

The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men

2009-04-14T23:37:00.005-05:00

Well we're on hold for surgery til next week, Wednesday at 7am to be precise. Scheduling issues with the Surgeon. Fortunately and unfortunately, he's very good and in very high demand. So Thomas gets to chill for a week, pack on the pounds (or ounces I suppose) and count ceiling tiles. Sadly, Thomas can only count to one (maybe), so he keeps having to start over. Fortunately, at this age, he really doesn't have a well developed memory, so he seems really content counting the same tile over and over again.

Close examination of this picture may lead one to believe that Thomas has either a) been wrestling a bobcat, b) started shaving already and hasn't quite got the hang of it or c) scratched himself with his fingernails. Sadly its never one of the interesting options. Thomas is very fond of putting his hands to his face and grabbing hold. He's managed to nick himself several times, but this one is the most impressive.

Much like the rest of Thomas, his nails are growing out of control. And although I see this as an excellent opportunity to go for his first Guinness Book World Record, apparently the "safe" and "prudent" thing to do is not let his finger nails grow and grow until they curl around and Thomas has to be hand fed (which is not any different than now). Of course no one listens to my suggestions. Last night, Thomas got his first (sadly not last) manicure. They filed down his nails to protect him from himself. Mitten orders have been temporarily cancelled.

Finally, totally off the subject, but I will relate it somehow anyway. I like to look for stuff that makes me feel good. Its easy to get down, as I've kind of indicated from time to time here. And even though this is really corny, its got a feel good message, I think. I liked it. I saw this on ABC News tonight, so probably everybody already knows about it. Its from some show called Britain's got Talent. I guess (or do I watch it religiously, and I'm playing dumb) its their version of American Idol. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY.

We're hoping for perfection in Thomas, and although we've already impartially declared him cutest baby in the world, every person can't be cute or smart or a talented athlete, but everyone has something to offer, if they're given the chance. I guess, if Thomas reads this at some point, I'd want him to be willing to give people the benefit of the doubt and be confident to take a chance himself. OK, there I go again, getting deep and dumb. Much too late. Must go to bed and rebuild my care free, off the cuff attitude. Say good night Gracie.

Thomas' Nursery

2009-04-13T13:58:00.003-05:00

I think we're nearing the end of this part of the journey. Rumor has it that Thomas will have surgery this week and then it'll be a few weeks (maybe more) til we gain full responsibility of the little tyke (hmm, may want to think that one through). Anyway, a while back we were trying to decide how to decorate his nursery. This is extremely important, because he won't remember it...well its important to Rebecca and her mom and my mom and probably every other girl that walks into our house. That's alot of pressure for sure.

We bounced around several ideas, wild animals, trucks, Tigger, etc. but we decided that something else would be significantly more meaningful to us and Thomas in the future. We have been overwhelmed by the interest, prayers and well-wishes that we have received. I can honestly say that each of you has helped us get through this and feel stronger for it. Because we feel like each of you has had a hand in getting Thomas to this point, we wanted to make that virtual hand more tangible. So, we came up with the idea of having anyone who wants to, dip their hand in paint and place their hand on the wall in Thomas' nursery. That way, he'll be able to see every day, the people that have been watching over him.

For those in town or that will be visiting, we're going to have at least 2 happy hours. The first one will be this Friday from 6 to 8. Very casual. Come by for a drink and some snacks and dip your hand. We'll even show you a picture of Thomas, in case you haven't seen one. Children are also welcome to dip as well. If you can stop by for even a few minutes, that would be great. We'll let you know when the next one is. You can also come by at any other time. Just let us know.

For those of you who are not in the immediate Dallas area (weird), please take a piece of paper and trace your hand and sign the piece of paper. We will take that outline and signature and paint it on the wall. If you think you may be in Dallas at some point, but not sure when, go ahead and do the outline and you can replace it later with your actual hand print.

Our address is

6715 Inverness Lane
Dallas, TX 75214

If you have any questions, you can email at melliot22@yahoo.com
We look forward to you helping us decorate Thomas' room.
Mike and Rebecca.

HAPPY EASTER

2009-04-12T14:07:00.002-05:00

I hope everyone has had a good weekend and found all of the hidden Easter eggs (so that you don't find them in several months). Thomas has reached the very important milestone of 2000 grams (just below 4 pounds, 7 ounces), which is what we needed for his big surgery, putting him back together. We think its going to happen some time this week. From there, its theoretically a few weeks or so before he would come home. Very crazy.

Thomas has continued to struggle with a stuffy nose and they've tried a few different things. The nasal canula has been irritating him, so last night they went back to the oxy hood and he seems much happier. Its been a tough round and round. His nose needs to heal, but when it gets stuffed, he struggles to breathe. Suctioning out his nose lets him breathe easier, but irritates the nostrils and then sets him back on healing.

The other unique thing is that Friday was Thomas' original due date. Its been very surreal for Rebecca, knowing that she should be pregnant. I think she feels a missed connection. I have a tough time relating, because for all of the challenges and emotional ups and downs, I look at it that we are lucky to have had Thomas 3 months early and secondly, I can't imagine being pregnant. In general, the benefits just do not outweigh the downsides for me. We probably would not be sharing this blog if the roles were reversed. I like to ride my bike too much (selfish that way).

The other thing I'd like to share today is a bit of a public service announcement. The reason Rebecca had to have Thomas early was that she had an enzyme deficiency in her blood. Based on our conversations with some of the doctors, this is very common, like half of the world's population may have it. All enzymes are not created equal, the one Rebecca is missing controls the production of folic acid which helps with blood clotting. She now takes folic acid and Thomas will too, as he is missing the enzyme. There's not proof yet, but it appears that many miscarriages and premature births have in common a missing enzyme in the mother. So, I don't know if you can request it, but if so, getting tested could be a good thing.

A Day in the Life

2009-04-09T18:18:00.002-05:00

I thought today's entry should be used to describe the typical steps that take place each time we visit the NICU, so that you can get a sense of it.

We usually go later in the evening, 9:00 or later. We do this for several reasons. 1. We're kind of night owls. 2. There are fewer people around in what can be a very crowded and small space during the day, so its Q...(you're not supposed to say quiet in the NICU, its bad luck). 3. At night you can park for free.

The Drive:

First, let me say that we love being with Thomas, but we hate going to visit Thomas. The drive is such an incredible beating, and its ONLY 10 freaking minutes. But doing it day after day for 3 months has grown very tiresome. Especially since we're spending more and more of our time there. We love it when we're there, but getting out of the house to go is tough. Our dog does not like it either.

Status Update and Small Talk:

Showing up late at night, you have to get buzzed in to the hospital, although its not a rigorous entry, just press a button and tell them where you're going. The NICU is on the top floor and access is strictly controlled. You have to sign in, show an id and get issued a pink sticker on your chest. All cell phones off. From there, you enter the wing where your child is. Then its time to scrub up, up to your elbow for 30 seconds.

Each time we enter, we approach Thomas and are typically greeted by the nurse that is watching him. Each nurse works a 12 hour shift, 3 days in a row, and on that shift they are charged with 2 preemies (on rare occasions, 3). Most of the time, both are in the same room, but because there are 5 beds, there's always a nurse that has to work 2 rooms. All of the nurses watch out for and back up the primary nurse, and, if your baby is especially cute (not referring to Thomas, just generalizing) all of the nurses make it their business to learn about him or her.

We then exchange introductions or pleasantries (we've met pretty much everyone, so new nurses are infrequent) and then Rebecca starts the inquisition. How is he, what does he weigh, how often and how much are they feeding him, is there anything scheduled? And so on.

Standing in front of the monkey cage:

This is where we stare at Thomas, tell each other how cute he is and wait for him to do something cool. If he's awake, he usually just stares back at us. The camera comes out and the snapshots start going, fast and furious. We'll foam up, maybe touch his hand or his head and kind of just stand there and talk to him. The nurses are all really good at creating little cocoons, swaddling Thomas and tucking him in. They do such a good job, that we're both always hesitant to disturb him and mess up the work they've done. Eventually though, we break the seal and its time to hold him.

The Big Chair:

They have these big, comfy chairs on wheels that they roll around to each bedside that have a foot rest and can recline. You have to get them right up to the bed, because of the myriad of wires and tubes that Thomas is hooked up to. Now that he's on the nasal canula, its a little easier, but its still takes some maneuvering. Once one of us and Thomas get comfy, it goes one of two ways, he's wide awake or he passes out. If he's wide awake, he's fidgety and can be a challenge to hold on to. Thomas doesn't cry, but he'll push and squirm and arch his back. If he falls asleep, it gets tough for us to stay awake too, especially if it's going on 11 or 12. One thing will throw the whole thing off though...

The Enemy:

Thomas' vitals are constantly tracked, his body temperature, which is pretty easy to maintain, his heart rate (should be in the 140s), his Respiratory Rate (between 30 and 50 breaths per minute I think?) and his Sat Level (the oxygen saturation in his blood, which they would like to be between 82 and 92%). Each one of these measures can set off an alarm if they go to low or too high, and can do so, just by a baby moving positions, so they are constantly going off in the NICU. Alot of times the baby works himself out, and things go back to normal.

Unfortunately, the monitor is right there, the numbers are easy to read and there is not a lot to do if you're not holding Thomas, or even if you are. So we constantly stare at the numbers and the lines. Its unavoidable, our eyes are drawn to it. Inevitably the Sat level is the first thing to drop and you sit there watching it, willing it to go up. The numbers are all loosely tied. If he desats for a long time, his heart rate can drop and then he Bradies. If he's having trouble breathing, as Thomas is with his nose right now, he'll take alot of shallow breaths and then then the Sat level will dip. Its a constant that we can do nothing about, other than stare at it like its a horrible reality show that you can't divert your eyes from.

End of the Visit Guilt:

After killing 2 or 3 hours, with the prospect of getting up in the morning, trying to fit everything into a smaller window the next day so that we can come back again, there is this beautiful, innocent child just laying there and it all makes it worth it and makes it very tough to walk away. You feel like you're not doing enough, that maybe you're not around enough, you'll miss something or Thomas won't connect with you. It makes it very hard to walk out and go home.

Then we do it all over the next day.

Thomas is up to 4 pounds, 4 ounces. I will update you tomorrow on the specifics of what is going on.

The hood

2009-04-05T16:31:00.003-05:00

So, based on the last blog entry, I'm certain that there are a few question marks out there. Why is Thomas looking like a Scientology experiment? How will NBC replace E.R.in its fall line up? Stuff like that.

To understand Thomas' current, um, appearance, we have to go back to Saturday morning. That's when Thomas decided that the precautionary approach that the doctor's had prescribed just wasn't cutting it. Thomas took matters into his own hands, literally. At some point Saturday morning, Thomas extubated himself, grabbed his breathing tube and just pulled it out. Didn't wait for a doctor, a nurse or any other sort of assistance. Apparently he was ready to breathe on his own. So he kind of forced every one's hand. They didn't want to reintubate, but his nostrils aren't quite healed. So, they went with the Oxy Hood (as seen on late night t.v.). The Oxy Hood provides an oxygen rich environment, but for the most part, Thomas is breathing on his own. Apparently, this is a somewhat out-dated method. One of the nurses saying she hadn't seen one in quite a while.

It works really well for Thomas, giving him some time to heal and relax, then they will go back to Nasal Canula. They are also easing him back up on his feeds, so we're hopeful he'll start gaining weight again soon.

In the mean time, Thomas has really started to come alive. He's awake alot more and just looking around non-stop. The intubation has made him a pony (he's a little hoarse. Get it? Cause hoarse and horse rhyme...and a little horse...never mind), so the few times he does cry are kind of quiet. He's just really darn cute. I'll be uploading some new videos shortly on youtube to show you.

Little Men from Outer Space

2009-04-05T01:31:00.006-05:00

From UFOHunters.com.blog.tx.org.us.fake.edu/proofpositive.

As you know, we here at UFO Hunters have been forced to infiltrate other web sites to document the truth. The government has been chasing us, shutting us down, suppressing information vital to the search for life beyond our little planet. We've taken over this blog to bring you the most shocking, historically significant find in the history of mankind (This time we really mean it. I want to again apologize for the picture of the frizbee and wires. It looked real, my mistake).

As you know, Correspondent X has been hot on the trail of alien life forms being held in secret locations by the the military. Well he's delivered indisputable proof that alien life exists and that at least one is being held in a secret facility in Las Crusces, New Mexico. This one is going to blow the doors off.

These photographs of the life form were smuggled out at great peril to our correspondent. I'm fairly certain that by reading this, you have been marked by the government and you too may be silenced.

As you can see, the alien does not appear to breathe our air and has to be kept in a special chamber, presumably being fed methane or some other gas poison to us. I can only assume that his body is secured in that specially reinforced wrap to keep it from attacking the handlers. The size of his eyes clearly indicates the ability to probe and probably control our minds. Truly a dangerous creature.

The significance of this finding cannot be understated. From the pictures, we know that the aliens are vicious killers, extremely intelligent and significantly smaller than us. Our only hope is that by spreading the word,we can prepare ourselves before its too late.

Yet the government, in the face of all this evidence refuses to acknowledge the facts. Through a third party, we presented these pictures to the head of Strategic Defense Organization, General Patterson. In typical governement stone walling he stated: "The pictures you have here are clearly of a weather balloon, nothing more, nothing less. I have no further comment."

We can only hope there aren't any more out there like this one...

A plea for Help

2009-04-03T14:36:00.003-05:00

Let me make this short and then I’ll get into more of an explanation.

If you care for Thomas, please click on this link http://www.marchforbabies.org/melliot22 and donate $5 or $10 to the March for Babies.

If you care for children in general and have 6 hours a month, sign up to be a big brother or big sister. http://www.bbbs.org/site/c.diJKKYPLJvH/b.1539751/k.BDB6/Home.htm

OK that was a little melodramatic, but here are two very good causes that I want to promote. Why am I hitting you up for these seemingly unrelated, but equally deserving charities? Well, the first one is probably self explanatory. Thomas is a preemie and I’ll be walking in support of the March Of Dimes March for Babies, which raises money for preemies and their families. So if you could spare anything, we would be very grateful.

I’m not going to be walking alone. A 14 year old boy named DeVontra has volunteered to walk with me. Devontra is my little brother. I joined the Big Brothers/Big Sisters program while sitting in the hospital with Rebecca waiting on Thomas. This may seem spur of the moment and possibly irrational, given everything that was about to happen and the limited time that I have, but its something I’ve been wanting to do for years. Just never got around to it. Thomas inspired me to finally send the application in and I was matched with DeVontra. He’s a good kid that I think just needs somebody to show interest and be there once in a while. The ironic thing is, DeVontra was a Preemie and also born at 26 weeks. Totally random. There are so many others out there that I've met that just want a friend and a mentor and are just amazing, cool, happy kids. There are a lot more kids who want a big than there are volunteers. Its not a big commitment and it really makes a big difference.

DeVontra and I will be walking 5 miles on the morning of April 18th. So again, if you can throw $5 our way, its going for a good cause, to help children like Thomas and like DeVontra.
I want to apologize in advance as I will probably send this out in an email and also mention it again in subsequent blogs. I'm also sorry to use this blog in this manner, but I wanted to get the word out. If you have any questions, let me know.

Thank you in advance,
Mike

Evening Update

2009-04-02T23:31:00.003-05:00

Long day. Bad news just makes you grouchy. Found myself being shorter, more emotional and argumentative most of the day. Not malicious or anything, but I could tell I wasn't letting go of things that normally my laid back persona dictates I let slide. Rebecca also struggled with her emotions all day as well. Its very easy to get frustrated and despair. They tell you its a roller coaster. There's a reason why roller coaster rides last only 60 seconds in amusement parks. Too much of anything wears on you and I think we're kind of ready to move on to the lazy river for a while.

On top of that, Thomas' demand for attention ruined my April Fool's Day blog entry yesterday. Harder to acknowledge humor when the rest of the day doesn't go according to plan.

Thomas is doing well, all things considered. He's pretty wiped out, but they've gotten his setting dialed in on the ventilator to get a good CO2 mix and they've actually been able to crank them down some. Thomas is letting the ventilator do most of the work, but he's taking some breaths here and there, which is a good sign. The nurse said that he was also awake this afternoon and starting to be his old self. He also gained one more ounce. up to 4 lbs, 1 oz.

They are running some tests on him to make sure he doesn't have an infection, which may have contributed to the swelling. They went ahead and started anti-biotics as a preventive measure. The doctor says if all goes well, Thomas would be back to Si pap in a few days.

Morning Update

2009-04-02T07:32:00.002-05:00

Unfortunately Rebecca got he dreaded unsolicited call this morning from the NICU. One of the doctors called to let us know that they had run an x ray on Thomas and found that his lungs had collapsed. They have re-intubated him and moved him back to a nursery on the North side. He is in an open bed with a heater.

The doctor said that this is not uncommon with preemies with chronic lung disease. The good news is that the lungs are very resilient and he will most likely make a full recovery without any long term effects. We are still hoping that he will have his surgery next week and the doctor doesn't believe this will set that back. They would have had to re-intubate him for that surgery anyway. So if you want to look for a silver lining, that step is out of the way and perhaps he will b able to be weened off the ventilator sooner after the surgery.

There's no telling for sure, since we didn't have a date set for him coming home, but this may set him back a little. We're both disappointed of course. Rebecca had really started to gear towards bringing Thomas home and this hit her kind of hard. You keep saying there will be ups and downs and we've really had it easy, but the downs still pretty much suck. I'm headed back to Dallas today and Rebecca is going to go back up there shortly. I'll let you know what's going on.

Two Steps Forward

2009-04-01T21:40:00.002-05:00

And one step back...

I mentioned the other day that Thomas was having some trouble breathing, causing the Bradying. Well it hasn't got alot better, and really a little worse. He's got swelling in his nostrils, which is restricting his breathing. So he's Bradying and he's working really hard, which is tiring him out and using up calories. They decided today to put him on Si Pap. The Si Pap forces air into his lungs, which will help him breathe better and easier, until his nostrils heal and he gets stronger and bigger. I can't imagine he's really happy about it, but one day I'll be able to tell him it was for the best and sometimes adults just know better. I'm sure he'll just accept that explanation, no qestions asked.

On the bright side, Thomas is 4 pounds! So we're moving along. We're getting anxious. I think there is a light at the end of the tunnel, but we're not entirely sure when. Once he gets to around 4 and a half pounds, they will go in and fix the ostemy and hopefully the hernia. From there, they've got to reintroduce milk and hope he takes it, as well as getting him breathing on his own, maintaining his body temperature. Best guess is 3 to 5 weeks after the surgery, but it all depends on each baby.

So that's where we are today. Ups and downs, but we're still very blessed and lucky to be where we are.

WOW

2009-04-01T21:26:00.003-05:00

Big news, on the eve of Thomas' 3 month birthday, the nurse called us to let us know that Thomas said mama. Not sure how this happened or if this even makes sense. Since neither one of us was there, we don't have any documentation, but the nurse swears she heard it very clearly. Just really amazing. I hope this wasn't just a mistake or an anomaly. We'll be rolling video from now on, just in case.

Just crazy!

A Very Brady Blog

2009-03-30T22:07:00.004-05:00

Life in the real world is proving to be a little more challenging than it was as a bubble boy. Overall, he's doing really well, he's 15 and 3/4 inches long and he weighed in last night at 3 pounds, 14 ounces. There is a pending weigh in tonight, we'll see if there is a change, but we're not expecting one, due to some little nagging things. We'd like to see him get growing again, but he's working a little bit, which may be eating up calories.

Since moving to the crib, Thomas has had some trouble maintaining his temperature. The very complicated and scientific solution to this is to pile on blankets, so that helps. He's also been Brady-ing and D-Sat-ing every now and then. Thomas' breathing had been a little erratic, sometimes he'll take shallow breaths or just forget to breathe at all for 10 seconds or so. The result is the Oxygen Saturation level goes down and eventually leads to D Sat. D Sat means that your Oxygen Saturation drops below an acceptable level. Low Saturation can then lead to Bradying. Brady means your heart rate temporarily drops very low. I'm not sure why they call it Brady, but every time I hear it, I can't help but think about the Brady Bunch, can't explain it, was never a big fan, except for when they went to Hawaii and found the cursed tiki statue and one of the Brady's fell off his surf board and... anyway, I do. I don't think Thomas is in any danger, but they don't want him to continuously bounce up and down on his settings.

Part of the problem has been that Thomas' nose was stuffed. Basically, sucking oxygen through his nostrils has made them dry and given him nose bleeds. Those nose bleeds have turned into clots and stopped up his nose. Once they were able to get those out yesterday, he's done much better with fewer Brady episodes (giggle).

The third issue is an on-going one that I don't think I've mentioned. Thomas' platlets are low and slowly keep going down, kind of like an oil leak. So they have periodically put in another quart of platlets (not really a quart, but you know). The doctor cannot explain why this is happening. He's run all of the tests he knows, and can't figure out why this is occurring. Its not an immediate issue and if it doesn't clear up, he'll have to go to a Hematologist. There isn't an immediate risk, if he was to get cut, it would bleed more than normal.

The low body temperature may lead him back to an isolet for a little while. We will see. But we've gotten to hold him a bunch and his eyes seem to be recovering well. He likes to show them off alot and will lay there and just stare and look around and smile. Its pretty dang awesome.

Finally, an awesome bonus video of Thomas sneezing! Don't forget to check out youtube. Ive added a bunch up there as well. http://www.youtube.com/results?search_type=videos&search_query=melliot22&search_sort=video_date_uploaded

Running out of Achievements

2009-03-28T11:43:00.005-05:00

Hmm, do I build this up or just list everything that happened? How about I just give you the end state first and fill in the whys and what fors. Thomas is now breathing through a tiny tube (called nasal canula). Thomas is now in an open crib. Thomas is now wearing clothes. All pretty darn exciting.

We got the call yesterday morning that they decided to take him off of Si Pap. We were really excited and a little surprised. I didn't think it would happen that soon. The nurse said that Thomas was immediately happier and looking around, showing off almost.

We went up and saw him and I held him for a while. He's really starting to come into his own. Not afraid to discuss things when he's not happy. The next step was to get him into a crib, which we thought would happen in the next day or so, once he proved he could maintain his vitals with the new change. But Thomas had his own thoughts on the matter...

The next thing that happened is a bit graphic in nature. You have been warned.

Rebecca and her nurse were changing Thomas' diaper and we had just been discussing that we could ask to have Thomas moved to a crib today (Saturday) if it hadn't already happened, but that we would wait the rest of the day yesterday to make sure everything was fine. Thomas, um, took advantage of his freedom and performed a bodily function all over the isolet, as boys will apparently do if you're not careful (I believe its recommended that you place a towel over them, just in case). Rebecca and the nurse also took some shrapnel. I was at safe distance, doubled over in laughter. So, since Thomas had determined that the isolet was no longer inhabitable, and the crib was probably less than 12 hours away anyway, there was no choice but to go to the crib then.

Since he's in the crib, he's exposed to the elements of the NICU, and no longer has a personal heater. Rebecca now gets to play dress up (I'm so sorry Thomas).

So there you go. The story of Thomas and the crib. He's still 3 pounds 12 ounces, but because of the blood transfusion Thursday and the nasal canula yesterday, he's had to miss a few feedings.

A little blog clean up. Apparently you can only have so many pictures in a photo album, which somehow we exceeded. I know, doesn't seem possible, we're so judicious about the pictures we take and share. So there is now a second album on the left here which picks up in March. A little easier to maneuver probably.

Filling in the details

2009-03-25T23:16:00.005-05:00

Its been kind of a wind down from the weekend's activities and there were some things that happened this weekend besides the laser surgery that I should probably catch everyone up on. First, my parents were able to hold Thomas for the first time. This happened Thursday night. I didn't mention it in the blog because we surprised them and wanted to do the same for Rebecca's parents, who as you recall came in Saturday. So we were trying to keep it quiet. Unfortunately my mom showed all of the steely determination of James Bond during an interrogation and accidentally told Rebecca's mom in the one hour they were together. Doubly unfortunate, because of the surgery, Rebecca's mom hasn't gotten her turn yet. I expect that inequity to corrected sooner than later.

The second thing that happened this weekend had the potential to be almost as traumatic as Thomas' surgery. We are furiously working on getting Thomas' nursery ready. We originally thought we had tons of time and took full advantage of all that time by not doing anything about the nursery before Thomas entered this world. Things are coming along nicely, but there was another tenant in Thomas' future home.

Several years ago, I got Rebecca a bunny rabbit, who she named Mopsy. She's been an integral part of the family (and the best part is, she's attacked Rebecca's sister on at least one occasion, kind of like the rabbit from Monty Python's Holy Grail, which I found to be very funny. You can see how vicious she is in the first picture.). Mopsy had her own room and was quite content, but that room has since been designated as the nursery. The only place for Mopsy to go was out in the bitter cold, thrown to the wolves to fend for herself. Of course that wasn't really the plan, but that is kind of the way Rebecca felt about the situation. And what better weekend to decide to make the move than the one when Thomas has his surgery. Rebecca didn't have near enough on her emotinal plate. As you can see, in the second picture, Mopsy now has a 2 story bungalow that sits just outside our living room and is getting used to her new surroundings.

Thomas has recovered really well from his surgery. He is now 3 pounds, 12 ounces. He's breathing room air with very little help and he's exercising his lungs by crying, which still sounds really awesome to us. There will be a day when I don't want to hear him crying, but right now its the most amazing sound I've ever heard. Thomas is also really into being held and gets very crabby when it doesn't happen. Fortunately, a bunch of the nurses are angling to help out in that capacity whenever they can.

The next week also promises some potential big changes. Thomas may be able to come off of the snorkel as soon as this week and move to what most people are used to seeing when someone is on oxygen, just a tube with prongs in the nostrils (there's a name for it, but I don't want to show off). Thomas will also be moving out of his isolet soon to an open bed. Another big step because he's starting to maintain his own body temperature. When this happens, Thomas will have to start wearing clothes. Rebecca and her nurse decided to take advantage of this by trying on some clothes. Thomas was less than thrilled with this and expressed extreme displeasure (picture below). We'll see how this works out.

Ultimate Hypothetical

2009-03-22T08:52:00.003-05:00

So which would I rather do, go to a baby shower or sit in a waiting room in a hospital with significant sensory overload. On the one hand, you have polite conversation, food that I typically don't care for (I'm kind of a picky eater and things like quiche, chicken salad and pettifores just don't do it for me) and the opening of presents that aren't for me and often times are full of diapers and blankets. On the other hand, Saturday at the NICU is popping. I think I have mentioned before that Baylor is Preemie central for north Texas, so they get babies from far and wide. That also means families sometimes can only see there babies on the weekends. That must really suck. We struggle with letting a day go by without at least one of us being there to visit Thomas. We're very lucky to live as close as we do. Anyway, on a typical Saturday, you can get upwards of 5 or 6 families at any given moment, with other children in tow, that are trying to maximize their weekend with their child. On some Saturdays (maybe yesterday, I don't recall) there are 8 children in the room. Let's just say, its loud and leave it at that.

I know, I know, there's just no win in this hypothetical. It just seems cruel all the way around.

I chose the hospital, mostly because it was a girl's only shower and I wasn't invited. There will be a couples shower at some point and I may not be able to hide out at the hospital the next time. And before anyone gets up in arms, I think I have the silent backing of many fathers out there.

Yesterday turned out to be a very long day. The plan was to go up to the hospital at 11:30, sign the release, laser his eyes at noon, see him at 1. Go home at 1:30, my parents go to the airport, Rebecca's parents check in to Che Elliot, Rebecca scoots off to her shower with her mom and her sister (Yes, Leigh was in Dallas! And there was much rejoicing) , I enjoy a beautiful Saturday outside. Sounds like the perfect plan, no?

We rushed up there at 11:30 to sign the release, but we had no doctor and Thomas' nurse had not heard from him yet. So we waited for an hour with no news. It turned out that the doctor had been called in for emergency surgery. False start. So everyone goes home, we make the parental swap, Rebecca goes to her shower and her dad and I sit by the phone and wait. The call comes at around 2. We go up there, go in, see Thomas, doctor arrives 2 minutes after we get there, laser in tow, I sign the release, doctor says I'll see you in an hour. We enter the waiting room and settle into the whirlwind of activity. At 4:30, Rebecca calls because I hadn't called her to tell her things were all done and all was well. Rebecca's uncle came up to the waiting room and gained us a small victory by getting the community tv put onto the NCAA basketball tournament. Rebecca, her mom and her sister showed up as well. We then became one of those families, taking up lots of the room and adding to the background noise.

Around 2 hours into it, we were able to find out that the doctor had finished the first eye and was starting on the second. This was a bit too much for Rebecca, who naturally started to get scared and assumed the worse. The whole operation is supposed to take an hour and we're well into the second hour. After days of worrying about this and making the right decision, it became a little bit too overwhelming. I tried to stick to my philosophy of not worrying about something until someone tells me there's something to worry about. That's just the kind of Rosy, glass half full kind of guy I am. Ignorance is bliss. I think that's why I like cartoons so much.

Finally the doctor came out and let us know that everything went fine and Thomas was good. It took a long time for a few reasons. First and foremost, Thomas is very fair, no pigmentation. That apparently does not help the laser, so it takes a longer time. Because it took so long , they had to give Thomas breaks to allow his vitals to stabilize. In the end all was well. We visited with Thomas for a while. He was still recovering from the drugs, but doing great.

Rebecca and her mom went back up later that night to see him and because Thomas had apnea ed a couple times. This is not uncommon, due to the trauma, the drugs and just being tired. Not very cool though. He had to be resuscitated at least once. Thomas' nurse was able to adjust his settings and he's doing much better.

Very long day...

Footnote:
Rebecca spoke to Thomas' doctor today. Since we had originally elected to enter the study, Thomas' info had been sent down to Houston and he was randomized. It turns out that had Thomas entered the program, he still would have gotten the surgery. Since his information was there, the doctor asked if we would still participate in the program as part of the control group. Thomas doesn't have to do anything else, but his information will help determine if the injections are viable in the future. We made the right choice and Thomas still gets to help.

First big decision

2009-03-20T21:59:00.002-05:00

Well we spent most of today, probably really for the first time, trying to figure out the best thing to do for Thomas' well being. Everything up until now has been really pretty easy. "Mr. and Mrs. Elliot, we need to do such and such to keep Thomas alive." OK! let's do it. This one just wasn't that simple. At risk, Thomas' sight. Time frame: make a decision today, based on whatever information and gut instinct we can muster. In one corner we have a surgical procedure that requires a doctor to zap Thomas' eyes with a laser (there's a little more to it than that, but if I really tried to describe it, I'd get it wrong anyway). In the other corner, a brand new procedure, where the same doctor would inject a drug into Thomas' eyes (again, I'm simple, I write simple). There are significant pluses and minuses to both options. Without recounting every one of them, there is greater upside with the injections, but also greater unknown.

Basically, if we chose the injections, we'd be enrolling Thomas in a clinical study that has only been commissioned in the last 10 months. The injections appear to be more effective and less invasive. The laser potentially limits peripheral vision and can lead to myopia (extreme near-sightedness). The only problem is, no one can say if there are any other side effects or long term issues associated with the injecting the drug. That's why the study is being conducted. This could very well be the standard for addressing this issue in the near future. Complicating our decision is that Thomas does not have a strong lineage of eagle eyes on either side of his family. I'm the only person in either of our immediate families that has not had eye issues and Rebecca, at one time, was basically legally blind without the aid of very strong lenses. So we're both very sensitive to anything sight related.

Enough of the boring old facts. This is what was laid out in front of us. The doctor who would perform either option is one of the most well respected specialists in the country. He very much believes in the study. The funny thing is even if we enter the study, there's still a 50/50 chance Thomas would end up in the control group and still get the laser. This was extremely difficult for both of us. There really is no clear answer, and that really sucked. We went back and forth several times. Actually told the doctor one thing and then changed our minds several hours later. You just don't want to make a decision and then find out that its the wrong one. Its a very frustrating thing. But its also not really in our control.

This is new territory for me. When it comes to me, I'm a risk taker by nature and I would most likely opt for the riskier option with the greater upside. I also believe that things will work out, one way or the other and that it does little good agonizing over things that you can't control. Being responsible for someone else, truly responsible, where they can't speak for themselves, requires me to think completely differently.

In the end, we decided to play it safe. Its a decision that we both feel comfortable with and hopefully will sleep well tonight on. I know Rebecca is mentallyand emotionally drained by all of this. They've been using the laser for many years, and though there is certainly potential for some vision issues, the unknown was just too daunting. So, tomorrow at 11:30, they will laser Thomas' eyes. The procedure will take about an hour.

The Streak is alive!

2009-03-20T00:09:00.002-05:00

OK, its midnight and I'm only posting to make it 3 days in a row. Just got back in to town. Thomas is 3 pounds, 6 and a half ounces tonight. Growing by leaps and bounds. My parents are here til Saturday and then Rebecca's parents, sister and future brother-in-law will be here Saturday to tag in. I will be sure to post everything that Leigh does, she likes the attention and wants to make sure her fans are informed.

Tomorrow I will discuss with you what Thomas is facing with his eyes and what we decide to do.

Good night everybody.

One more move

2009-03-18T21:39:00.004-05:00

Two days in a row for the blog! Its not exactly a Cal Ripken streak, but you have to start somewhere.

Much like a military brat, Thomas has once again moved. The nurses are having to play musical isolets to accommodate new visitors and deal with construction. Thomas is now in the South wing in Nursery D, in the corner. Its nice because its more spacious than the the last nursery and we're told that Thomas will not have to move again. Of course moving can always be very traumatic for children and I'm sure Thomas will be no exception, saying goodbye to old friends, trying to make new ones, new school system, and don't get me started on trying to get him onto the right soccer team this late in the season.

Thomas had his eye exam today and to be honest, it was not great. He has R.O.P. (which apparently does not stand for Rock On Preemie). R.O.P. is an overgrowth of blood vessels, typically caused by all the extra oxygen that he's been given. It can effect your peripheral and/or central vision. He's at a stage 3 with a possibility of retinal detachment. This isn't really that uncommon with preemies, but it wasn't news we wanted. Over the next 48 hours we will be deciding between surgery and injections. The surgery involves lasering the blood vessels and hoping that they don't grow back, which can happen and require further lasering.

The thing that we learned with the injections (and we don't know that much yet about the procedure) is that its really new. Apparently Baylor is only one of two hospitals trying this, so the long term effects aren't fully known. The good thing with the injections is it is a drug, Avastin, that has been used for other purposes (cancer treatment I believe) for a long time. The benefit of the injections is it would be less traumatic than the surgery. As I mentioned yesterday(?), Rebecca met the parents of a child who has just gone through the injections procedure successfully. We'll let you know.

Busy Busy Busy

2009-03-17T20:38:00.002-05:00

So I’m doing a terrible job again. I probably need to do shorter updates so I can crank them out quicker.

Anywho, Thomas is standing... This time I’m only half-kidding. Again, this is another Thomas legend that has yet to be corroborated by independent witnesses, but Saturday night, one of Thomas’ admirers/nurses was giving Thomas a nice towel bath and had him propped up in her hand, kind of sitting on his bum, when all of a sudden, Thomas extended his legs and stood up. He obviously was still being supported, but the leg strength was all his and he stood there for a good little while, just looking around and checking things out. He has very strong legs. Another rumor yet to be verified was that he kicked a 45 yard field goal barefoot, but if any NFL scouts happen to be reading this, I’m pretty sure I could, with some practice…and a strong tail wind.

Thomas continues to grow and expand. At last count, he was 3 pounds and 4 ounces and just under 14 and a half inches. He’s developed chipmunk cheeks and has applied some of his strength to repeatedly remove his feeding tube and pull up or down his snorkel gear. He’s beginning to learn the power of audio communication and is more than willing to let anyone within hearing distance know if he is uncomfortable. Fortunately, so far, these little episodes last less time than it would take to react to them. He seems to be able to either alleviate his own discomfort or is just testing response times of the various people that hover around his isolet. This brings up an interesting, if not all together awesome, side effect of growing up in the NICU. One of the nurses told us that all of the nurses love to hold the babies when the babies get to the point where they can be held. Everyone loves a baby and it makes sense. If I worked in a bike shop, I’d probably want to try out all of the bikes. The nurse said the only problem is, the babies really grow to like being held as well. So typically, by the time a baby goes home, they like to be held a lot, which is great when there is a line of nurses waiting to take their turn, but maybe not quite as great when it’s just mom and dad? A very small price to pay, but check back with me in a couple months.

Thomas has gotten big enough where they can start using the little nose plugs occasionally to breathe, rather than the full snorkel. This gives him a break, which is important, because at this age, any constant pressure can lead to head misshaping. That is also why Thomas is constantly being rotated like a rotisserie chicken. They try not to let him sleep on one side for more than 4 hours at a time.

No news on Thomas’ eyes. A brief conversation with the doctor, leads us to believe that there’s no serious concern at the moment and we also learned that there are some alternatives to the laser surgery, should Thomas need it. Rebecca spoke to one of Thomas’ neighbors’ parents who told Rebecca that their child was given a drug alternative and had really good results. I think Thomas may get another eye exam tomorrow.

This weekend, Rebecca went to Shreveport to pay homage to her sister again (she loves when I mention her). She was also allowed to carve out a small portion of the weekend to focus on the upcoming nuptials for a baby shower for Thomas, who appears to be well on his way to being spoiled. Thank you to everyone who was there and shared our excitement for Thomas. I sadly missed the baby shower (dang it, dang it, dang it), but spent my time trying to shape up the nursery. This included putting together a rabbit hutch for the current tenant of Thomas’ room. Bunny rabbit, Mopsy, will find a new home just outside of Thomas’ window, so they can still kind of hang out.

I will have another story tomorrow…(hopefully)…

One final note, yesterday was my mommy's birthday (yes, just 3 days after my dad's). Please wish her a belated HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Happy Birthday Dad!

2009-03-13T10:04:00.004-05:00

Please take a second to wish Papa (my dad) a happy birthday!

So its been another busy week. We're having a tough time adjusting to Rebecca having to go back to work. Its difficult to fit everything into one day, especially now that Thomas is growing and interacting with us. I know for certain that Rebecca would like to hold him for hours at a time.

I believe that much of what we're feeling and going through can be compared to the experiences of any new parents. We're tired alot, there's too much to do. Its easy to get frustrated and overwhelmed. Days and weeks slip away in the blink of an eye. And in the end, nothing matters but your child. I also know that its different for me than it is for Rebecca. She's got a connection with Thomas that will probably one day be a source of anguish for her when Thomas does not put as much care and thought into his well-being as Rebecca. I know I've done that to my mom and I've certainly seen Rebecca do it to her's. So everyone please hug or call your mom and tell them even if you don't agree with them, you really appreciate how much they care.

On to Thomas. Its been a busy week for him as well. Due to construction, Thomas was on the move once again. NICU H is a little on the crowded side and kind of out of the way, but I don't know if Thomas can tell much of a difference. There are one or two roommates that cry quite a bit, so we're hoping Thomas looks down on that sort of behavior and sees that reasoning and mature exchange of thoughts and ideas is the best way to get what you want. In the interest of milestones though, the video above is of Thomas crying, just a bit, and very quietly. I had to get the camera up real close for you to hear him. He does not cry very often and has a really good disposition. I posted two more videos on youtube where Rebecca is bathing him and he is totally cool, just laid back and hanging out. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AqT3JOALqh0 and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XRE2jq7eZWA.

Thomas also got an eye exam Monday and there may be some issues with his sight. There's nothing to worry about yet. At some point, they may need to do Lasics surgery (you'd think I'd know how to spell that, since Rebecca is in the eye business). Although there's nothing that can be done about it now, we still spent alot of time worrying about it. Thomas also had another Neuro scan and everything looked really good.

Finally, Thomas' growth is still slow, so he's in a low percentile. Dr. Kwan thinks it will take a few years to catch up, but he doesn't foresee any long term issues. But what's he weigh you ask? Well I'm glad you brought it up. The big, big news is that Thomas now weighs 3 POUNDS! I know! He looks like a sumo wrestler in waiting. He's gained a pound less than 2 weeks. I was going to project out based on that rate, but that joke has been played. I'm all about originality.

We're looking forward to the possibility of Thomas getting off the Sy Pap next week. We'll see.

Videopalooza!!

2009-03-08T21:25:00.003-05:00

So, I've been a little remiss at posting videos (as well as posting to the blog, fixing things around the house, recycling, getting my hair cut, and cleaning up after myself,). My excuses are weak and contrived at best, so I will not bother to post them. But as a small penance, I have posted multiple videos to youtube that range from mid February through Friday night. This one in particular is really cool http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E5ndo-12SVU.

You can find the rest of them here. http://www.youtube.com/results?search_type=&search_query=melliot22&aq=f I posted 15 videos and it tracks the number of views, so if you don't watch all of them, I'll know.

Thomas is doing really well. He's a little puffy, which may indicate that he's retaining fluids, but, most everyone thinks that most of his weight gain is his own. He is holding steady at 2 pounds and 12 ounces. He's breathing really well and hanging out. I did also get to see the fabled smile. It could have been hiccups, but the facial muscles were all in the right place. I'm going to have to vote him as cutest baby ever. I took a lot of time weighing the pros and cons, and there were many deserving candidates, but in the end I was forced to admit the obvious and choose my son.